The End

Footage from Buffalo Competition

Here is a very brief video that captures my posing during the evening portion of the event in Buffalo. The posing here was not for judging purposes but for audience entertainment. It clearly reveals the challenges I faced with my right arm and, to a lesser degree, my right leg. But what I hope the video also demonstrates is that I was willing to put myself out there, despite my shortcomings. I guess I can say that I'm proud of it and embarrassed by it, both at the same time. But it represents my best effort. And it took all the courage I had.

Just copy and paste the entire link, then click on my name and the video should pop up.

http://www.naturalmuscle.com/html/2010_olympus_results.html

Conclusions

"It was now or never."

That's what the 47-year-old dentist from Erie said during breakfast yesterday as one explanation for why he decided to compete. But he did note that it's a hard question to answer and he even posed the same question to marathon runners and noticed how they, too, often have a hard time coming up with a coherent response.

Anyway, I don't want to belabor this point since I've given it plenty of treatment here, but I think that the now-or-never element is critical. I turn 42 in 2 days and somewhere in the murkiness of my mind was the thought that this year was probably a good time to take on this bodybuilding project. It wasn't going to get any easier at some other point in the future.

However, I've always been conflicted about this whole thing because of my shaky right arm. Working out in the gym with trainers is one thing, but putting it all up on the stage is quite another. I'm asking to be held to a standard that I really can't meet, in terms of presentation of myself. But I guess from the start, I decided to set that aside. The real goal was to improve my body and the only way that was going to happen was with the "threat of the stage," as I liked to refer to it, looming in the distance. Without that threat, maybe I'd eat the cookie or skip the gym on some days.

I wanted the body. And that's really where it all starts and stops. Nothing was going to stand in my way. I surrounded myself with trainers who were my enablers. I found great satisfaction in my progress and that became self-reinforcing. I also purged any negativity ("bodybuilding is stupid," according to my older son).

Why did I want the body? Hmmmm. That's a hard one. I suppose I have fundamental insecurities related to my shaky arm and I'm always searching for ways to negate it or cancel it out with other qualities - some cool shoes, jewelry, make-up, nail polish - anything to make it not the focal point. Having a great body screams that everything is okay. I may be a hemiplegic but hey, whatever. I steamroll right over that little inconvenience.

Any evidence that proves I'm actually succeeding at overcoming it is important to me. That won't ever go away.

What will I do next? is a question many people have been asking me. Bullfighting is what my husband jokes about. With bodybuilding, I've dabbled in a semi-extreme activity, but I'm not a thrill seeking, adrenaline addicted junky. I don't need to take it a step higher and further. I will stick to 4 times in the gym per week and I'll continue to eat well, according to my new understanding of what constitutes well. Other than that, I'll go back to writing my book now that I have some new material and a fresh perspective. My book is a memoir dealing with the stroke I suffered at age 10 and the lifelong pursuit of dealing with its consequences.

I've enjoyed sharing the details of my experiences here on this website (because I'm a writer and I like to write!) and I appreciate the readers who have followed it. The software supporting this blog allows me to track the number of readers and where they are from. The audience includes folks from Poland, U.K., Belgium, France, Italy, Israel, Spain, South Africa, Brazil and Japan. I have no idea how each of you found this site, but I'm glad you did.

My only advice: take some chances and show some strength.

Informal photos from Buffalo

In the group shot, the girl to the right of me in the pink posing suit won first place. You be the judge.

The Results

I earned a 3rd place out of 6 competitors in the category called age 35 and up, short (under 5' 2", even though I'm 5' 2 1/4"). I was very happy about that, but I need to say that the winner had cellulite and major jiggle going on in her rear. Super sweet girl, but ya know, the winner???? Ok, whatever.

One of the other categories I competed in involved a total of 3 competitors for which I took 3rd place and 5 competitors for which I took 5th place. All places were rewarded with trophies, so I have 3. The winners, however, were not what you would expect. The posing in many cases was awful and yet.... How do we explain this? Well, my answer is that things seemed a little incestuous here in Buffalo. By that I mean many of the competitors belonged to one particular gym and those girls won the top spots over and over. The judges were from the Buffalo or Rochester area and seemed to know the competitors. When one judge needed some tylenol, she turned to one of the competitors she knew and the girl gladly handed some over, about an hour before the show started. Hmmmm. The promoter of the whole show mentioned that some judges didn't judge certain categories due to "conflicts of interest." Reallllly.

I'm not complaining because I had a good time, the show ran smoothly, the facilities were wonderful and all of the girls were really friendly. The guys were super nice, too. I went out to breakfast this morning with a 47-year-old dentist from Erie who was accompanied by his trainer. I had chatted with the dentist a day earlier because he was staying in the same hotel as me. He also competed at the Lakewood show (and didn't do well even though he looks great). I enjoyed my time with them because they were warm, supportive and engaging.

I also became friends with an exceptionally friendly and chatty woman from Buffalo. And a very sweet guy who plays "semi professional football" (not sure what that is) and often comes to Cleveland to play games was a pleasant source of conversation before the evening show. He admitted to cheating on his diet often and it certainly didn't show, but his honesty was amusing.

I felt like some kind of exotic import being from Cleveland while all of the other competitors were from Buffalo and maybe a few from Rochester. I seemed to get a lot of audience support with loud cheers during the evening portion when competitor came out individually and did a series of poses, striking each after trotting to the center of the stage, then the side, then back to the center, then off. I did a bicep flex for one pose and the audience seemed to like that.

I think my posing was great, exactly as I practiced it which incorporated vast improvements over last time. Many of the other girls struck extremely awkward and ugly positions. Sorry, but that's how it was. I felt that my look was very competitive, with the right amount of leanness and plenty of definition. Since this was a 100% drug free show, no one had crazy big muscles and that was refreshing and felt very comfortably fair.

My tan came out vastly better this time, too. It made my past experience feel like an abomination. But what did I know then? That being said, I can't wait to jump in the shower and wash it off.

The balance of the day was spent shopping and dining in a cute section of town with neat stores (all boutiques, no chain stores! just the way I like it). At lunch I had a glass of merlot and with dinner, I had a martini. I also had a cream sauce on my 5 cheese ravioli dish at dinner, though no dessert because I was stuffed. I am going to have lots of fun restoring a few pounds because right now, I fully admit that I'm too thin. My face looks drawn, but that's partly from the stress leading up to this show and lack of sleep.

Next: I need to further process that last 6 months and I intend to draw a few conclusions which I'll post here, for anyone who wonders what the past 6 months have meant and where I go from here.

Coming shortly, some pictures from Buffalo.
Thanks for your interest.
Be strong!

1 Day Left

I weighed 100.8 lbs. this morning.
I've practiced my posing.
I've got my food all weighed, measured and packed.
I'm ready for Buffalo, my final competition.

All I need to do is keep my head in the game and nail my posing. The show starts at 1 p.m. on Saturday with what's known as the pre-judging which actually is the real judging except that the winners are not announced. That happens during the evening show which starts at 6 p.m. on Saturday. So it's a full day of tension, basically.

This time, I plan to eat more intelligently leading up to the competition. I did a bad job of that last time and I don't want to repeat those mistakes. I even plan to eat an entire big Snickers bar 10 minutes before I go on stage for a super energy boost. Last time, I ate a few bites about 30-45 minutes before going on stage. I missed the mark with both that quantity and timing.

So I'm secure with my plans and I'm going after this show as a true competitor, not a completely inexperienced, fogged-out beginner. I hope I can deliver on my intentions and report some good news here later Saturday night.

Waxing, Clenching, Blabbing, Planning

I had my first ever leg waxing appointment today. First times can be replete with anxiety and stress and this experience definitely qualified in those departments. I was not looking forward to today's procedure and I was even a few minutes late, something I work hard to avoid. I pride myself on being punctual. Pride went out the door as soon as I entered the room. The Russian lady who attended to me assured me that I was in good hands, that I'd be fine. I wanted to believe her since she's an informed source. I had visions of crying. Maybe I'd need her to stop so we could take a 5 minute break. I'd be sweating profusely. I had no serious plans for afterward.

On a scale on 1-10 with 10 being the most painful, I'd say, at worst, it was a 7. At best, it was a 5. The pain was uneven, with some parts of my leg hurting worse than others. I clenched my teeth and said OW! about a dozen times. But the aesthetician was very friendly and happy to talk the whole time. That helped. Mostly, we talked about her diet and interest in losing some weight, maybe 20 lbs. to start, then another 20 lbs. This is one of my favorite topics right now, so I advised her on what she should eat. That took a good 20 minutes of the 45-minute appointment. The rest of the time we talked about her kids and waxing itself. She told me that it would hurt less the next time and that I will love the result.

Well, right now my legs have red marks where the hair was ripped out, so they don't look very attractive, but that will go away in another day. I think I'm happy with the outcome and I certainly like the idea of not having to shave, so I'm planning on going back for a second time when I'm ready. And after I see how that goes, maybe there will be a third time. Most of all, I'm glad this is over with.

Dropping a Bomb

People have been asking how the first competition went (obviously uninformed, non-readers of this blog) and I've answered, without hesitating, "I bombed!" Look, if you're going to do poorly, coming in last place is not a bad way to do it. It ramps up the drama. It elevates the humor. Furthermore, how often does that happen, bombing? Since I don't take myself or any of this too seriously (this is not life and death stuff!), I enjoy seeing their reactions. They laugh, they understand the levity and they don't need to follow up with any positive spin. I'm clearly okay with bombing...as long as I don't make a habit of it.

Anyway, a persistent source of low level frustration has surrounded my gym shoes. I've been loyal to the brand Ryka for the past few years because I like the styles but the latest pair I bought has been driving me nuts. They're the high top variety (hark, I hear the '80s calling) which I prefer but they fit like ski boots. They're a total pain in the butt to put on and take off which is, of course, what one does with shoes a few times per day. So I was at a grocery store today and saw a lady wearing the absolute coolest shoes ever (pictured here). I love color - the more, the better. She told me where she bought them and I buzzed right over there and claimed them. The Nike Air Max 24/7. Welcome!

4 days left in my competitive bodybuilding career

I've been drinking a gallon of water since Sunday. I've stopped adding any salt to my food since then, too. Standard procedure, the week before a competition. It's definitely easier this second time around. Kinda like, I've been here, done this, not a big deal.

What hasn't gotten any easier is responding to the often asked question, why did you decide to do this? I'm still not great at answering it because I have multiple reasons, any of which I might tap depending on how I'm feeling at that moment, but none which really nails it on the head. However, I stumbled across something interesting along these lines in a recent NY Times article concerning the Mount Lemon Marathon in Tucson, Arizona. It's an extreme endurance race, with a vertical climb of 8,000 feet where the air becomes thinner and poses a challenge in and of itself. It's touted as the world's toughest road marathon, lasting 26.2 miles uphill. "Runners are like fishermen," one observer explained. "They'll talk about how steep this race was forever. It's steep. It's tough. But it will get steeper and tougher every time they tell it." Hahaha. I get it.

One participant offered another perspective. "Why are people going further and harder and stronger? It makes other things in life seem much more doable. We have so many challenges in our lives with the economy and people losing their jobs and homes. This is a way of defeating those things and breaking the monotony of life."

But here's the crux of the matter, according to the same runner: "I don't love pain but I do like challenges. And unless something is difficult, it doesn't seem that satisfying."

Bingo. There it is, expressed more concisely than I've been able to put it. A fine way to explain part of my interest in competitive bodybuilding.

5 Days Out

I went to the Gorilla Pit yesterday, a gym that's about as hardcore as they come. Lots of heavy objects fill the not extremely large space which looks like a warehouse with a garage door in the back. I saw cement balls weighing upwards of 200 lbs., tires weighing around 450 lbs., and other inventive objects like tall, steel, possibly hazardous chemical containers with handles on them weighing about 200 lbs. for carrying and kegs filled with water also for carrying. Trainer Glenn video'd some of our time there with his phone, so I'll post it here once he sends it to me. One of my activities was flipping a 150 lb. tire 25 times (5 sets of 5 reps). It was intense but satisfying.


I did some posing practice with trainer Michelle this morning at which time she also measured my body fat. Check this out....11.5%!!!! This is the number I needed to hit and I nailed it. The carb cycling seems to have worked. Yay!!


I'm taking the preparation for tanning a little more seriously this time around. That means I'm using an exfoliating product all week to get my skin ready. As it says on the product, the solution will "correct skin's pH to ensure the best hi-definition color. It exfoliates impurities and dead skin cells to reveal younger, healthier skin for better absorption of color." Do I believe any of this claim? Well, after seeing the difference between girls' tans at the last show, I determined that clearly some people looked better than others. Better would be defined as skin that looked like creamy peanut butter vs. others that looked like a graham cracker. Not as smooth and silky. I think I leaned more toward graham cracker. Hopefully, I'll achieve a better result this time.

Otherwise, I'm feeling good about the competition, especially since its number of participants will be smaller. What that means is last place may be #7 or #8 which is not quite like #16. Anyway...I'm not dwelling on any of it. I just want to improve my presentation and I think with some more practice I can do that. But right now, my look is where it needs to be and others have noticed. A guy at the gym over the weekend told me I have great abs. That felt reassuring. It makes the punches potentially thrown in a show a little easier to take.

Another set of pix, from a different photographer

A Guy Walks into the Gym...

looking hyper buff, confident and focused. He doesn't say anything to anyone, just grinds out his reps with heavy weight, no breaks and takes some creative approaches to his work. I'm impressed. He's young, clearly in his early 20's, and all I can wonder is whether what he's got is natural or built by drugs. Really, that's my #1 source of curiosity about most people in the gym. How do you come by all your muscle? Through hard work or artificial enhancement? Because I have the utmost respect for natural muscles and minimal regard for anything else.

I see this guy a second time, then a third. We sort of cris-cross our paths, with some overlap in a few areas of the gym. I can tell he's noticing me. I have an overwhelming urge to break the ice and say something. Nothing wrong with that. I don't want to discuss world peace or global warming, just a little inane gym chat. So I tell him that maybe he could use a wireless headset like mine since his iPod has fallen out of his pocket about 3 times already. He's intrigued and thinks it's a good idea. He'll check it out. By the way, my name is Adam, he tells me and shakes my hand.

You just never know someone's true identity when you meet random people. Maybe they have a sordid past. Maybe they misrepresent themselves. Maybe they are flat out pathological liers. I think Adam fulfills all 3. I have another conversation with him after he becomes a little competitive with me by copying my decline push ups but one-upping me by intensifying them (using a stability ball for his feet instead of a step like I used and planting only one foot on the ball while letting the other one extend outward, ouch!!). He tells me that he's a personal trainer, works at another nearby gym, but also likes to work in people's homes (he makes more money that way). He reveals that he's completely drug free. Holy crap!! "I don't even use protein powder," that being the most mild product a person, such a myself, might be willing to ingest. He gives me his card. "24 hour training," it says. Who needs a trainer at 3 a.m.??? Hmmmmm.

When I get home, I google him because I feel a strange vibe, like there's something I don't know. Maybe it's my latent reporter's instincts. The first item to appear in my search has the subject line: "Student Arrested on Drug Charges," dated Feb. 1, 2010. He sold cocaine and other prescription drugs in college. He was caught in a buy bust when he sold 5 ounces of coke to a narc. In a later search of his home, they found other drug paraphernalia and marijuana. He was arrested and taken to jail. He was charged with 3 fourth-degree felonies which have a maximum sentence of 18 months and 1 fifth-degree felony with a maximum sentence of 12 months.

Apparently, he didn't do the maximum time. I don't know whether he did any time at all. But what I realize is that he absolutely lied when he filled in a few other details of his biographical info. Something verifiable: his card says he's certified through the National Association of Sports Medicine. No, he's not. I checked its website which allows for credential validation. He's not listed.

I shouldn't be shocked but, silly me, I am. He seemed like a nice guy, even if something felt a little amiss.

But the real question is, do I still believe that he really doesn't take any drugs to achieve that ripped-to-shreds look? Nah, not a chance.

Potential Paperweights

Here's how the Buffalo competition is going to work. First of all, I'm changing my posing technique. I have another way to hold my right arm steady, by resting it against my right leg to achieve a much improved position. I couldn't execute this with the last show because I was much too nervous, but I'm expecting to feel far more at ease this time. Not relaxed, but definitely not standing there almost unable to breathe. Plus, I'll be eating more on the day of the show, so I won't be so depleted, feeling like I'm running on empty.

I will compete in 3 - yes, 3! - categories because, why not? I'm eligible to do it and this will be my last competition, so I'm going for it. I'm entered in my age group, 35 - 45 (contrasting with the ages for the last show which were 40 - 49), my height (the short people) and something called "novice" which includes those who have never placed in the top 3 in a previous competition. The number of entrants will be much smaller than at the last show, leaving open the possibility for me to actually place in the top 5. This would mean I could bring home a trophy and I can always use another paperweight. But what I really intend to get out of this show are some nice pictures for posterity. I seek to capture the tan and some solid buffness.

Toward that latter pursuit, I'm hoping to drop another percentage or 2 in body fat. To achieve the loss, I started last Friday doing a low carb rotation where I don't have any carbs with dinner one day, the next day no carbs with lunch and dinner, then on the third day, I have carbs with every meal. I'll continue this regimen through sometime next week, a few days before the competition on Oct. 23. This approach isn't demanding anything too crazy of me and hopefully, it will budge a couple more lbs. of fat. Trainer Glenn will do another assessment next Thursday, so I'll report whether I meet my goal. 12% or 13% body fat would be nice compared to 15% taken at the last measurement, just before the first competition. Today, I weigh 102.8. With the loss of about 2 lbs. of water by the end of next week (drinking a gallon of water all week, what fun), I could easily go just under 100 lbs. which is totally freaky but also very temporary. After the Buffalo competition, I'm blowing outta there for some rest and relaxation in Toronto where I fully intend to eat, drink and be merry (that means shop), no matter what the outcome of the show is.

A New Form of Torture

The time has come. I'm probably long overdue anyway. But now I have no choice. I'm going to need to get my legs waxed. AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There are reasons why I've never done this before and they involve FEAR and PAIN!!! AHHHHH!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!! OMG!!!!! The reason for the arrival of this misfortune is the timing of the Buffalo show. It begins at 1 p.m. on a Saturday afternoon. My first of two tanning appointments is at 6 p.m. on Friday, after which time I won't be able to shave. My second tan is at 9 a.m. the next morning. The evening portion of the competition is at 6 p.m. Saturday night. So I need to go from roughly 5 p.m. Friday until 8 p.m. Saturday without shaving and that could exceed what my legs can handle. It could be a very unsightly look. I don't want to take that risk. So I'll be submitting to this new form of torture. BUT WAIT!! IT GETS WORSE! I learned when I booked the appointment for Wed. next week that I can't shave for about 5 days in advance. AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!! I will NOT be wearing my short shorts to the gym during that period. I also better not suffer any major accident or health crisis cuz that look could seriously scare someone.

I am NOT happy about this set of circumstances. In fact, I imagine that I will lose a significant amount of sleep the night before the appointment. I read a few web pages about this topic and one suggested taking tylenol beforehand. Brilliant. I will do that. I think a few shots of Grey Goose wouldn't be a bad idea either. Screw the calories!

Pole dancing/vertical gymnastics experience

No. Not for me. The pain-to-fun ratio was way off, tipped far in favor of pain. The whole skin gripping the pole aspect burned intensely. I had the beginning of a welt forming on the top side of my foot, and that was in the first 5 minutes of the 2 hour class. I understood that working with the pole could hurt, but this crossed the line with what I could tolerate. I was instantly frustrated by that.

I suppose that today isn't an ideal day for me to be doing this because I have some soreness in my quads and hamstrings from some hard independent gym work yesterday. Even though I'm accustomed to that kind of discomfort, I thought it interfered. I'm also a little tired, possibly because I'm tinkering with my diet in preparation for the Buffalo show. I need to strip away a little more fat, so I'm low carbing today.

Anyway, the instructor Pantera was awesome. Very funny and charismatic, with great stories from her past 11 years teaching this craft, along with time she spent in "titty bars, " as she referred to them. She's loose and free, but she's tough, smart and highly conscious of safety. She takes pride in having had zero injuries in all the time she's been teaching. I have a ton of respect for her talent and ability to support herself with this activity. I also love her personal motto: same pole, different swing.

Looking ahead: The Buffalo show is exactly 2 weeks from today. I feel a lot more settled with the prospect of doing everything all over again. It seems like much of the anxiety has been drained outta me.

I have a new cardio activity to restore some novelty to my training - jumping rope. It's hard to believe how intense it can be, especially since I recall jumping rope as a kid and never becoming winded. Now it makes my chest feel like it's on fire, with just a 30-second interval. Gonna need to work on that.

Glenn has offered to accompany me to the Gorilla Pit, a hardcore gym he belongs to where there are no machines, just heavy objects. He insists I'll be able to find things to do there, despite my doubts. We'll be going there in a week, next Sunday.

Otherwise, it's strict eating and serious strength work.

The Evidence, from the Scene of the Crime

I'm not ducking or dodging here...

...the photos haven't been posted yet to the websites that report on these things. I thought maybe if I post something like this, that will accelerate the process, hahaha. I don't understand how these things work, but I do know now that there were multiple photographers shooting because some of the competitors' photos have been posted (maybe 25% of those who competed) with several different people receiving photo credits. Also, there's no rhyme or reason to which ones have been posted. So, I wait, impatiently.

Okay folks, here's half of the story...

I called it.
13th place out of 15 for my height class.
16th place out of 16 for my age group. Actually, I tied with another girl for 16th.
Wow.
The only way to explain this is that my posing essentially disqualified me. Otherwise, it's that I looked like crap. But I'm going with the former explanation, not the latter.
The other half of the story is the pictures and they should be up very soon. It looks like everything is being loaded right now.

VERTICAL GYMNASTICS!!!!

I found a local studio that offers pole dancing classes and this weekend, it's featuring master classes with Pantera, a world champion, semi-goth chick with an attitude and lots of tattoos, seen in this video. I signed up for a 2 hour session! This will be my first attempt at the practice of what she calls "vertical gymnastics." Once again, my older son has completely trashed the idea ("you're 40 years old! you're a mother! find something else to do!") which clearly means it's a great idea. Can't wait! I'll report the results here over the weekend. But no, I won't be doing a blog called www.confessionsofapoledancer.com, as some have suggested.

Dietary Sandtrap

I trained with Michelle this morning and she agreed that I look much fuller today. So I fell into the classic sandtrap of looking better after the show. Why do so many people make this mistake? Because you never know how your body is going to respond to what you do to it. The hope is that the next time, you'll get it right. Eventually, I'll have the pictures up here from the competition and they'll reflect this somewhat deflated condition. There will definitely be a second set of pictures 3 weeks from now posted here (no delay) that hopefully will show improvement because we are changing my strategy by eating up rather than down. That includes a carb load without a carb depletion.

Looking ahead...

I'm sorry to report that the competition photos have not been posted and based on how long it took to post the March show results (I just checked), it might be another few days. I guess I screwed up by not having a family member snap a few shots. I just figured that the show photographer had the best angle and would capture the best picture. For the Buffalo show, I'm definitely assigning my husband the task.

From what I've been told, the rules for posing are more flexible at the Buffalo show because it's a different organization that's sponsoring it. I might find a better opportunity under those conditions. In any event, I'm all signed up, so I'm going to do it. What's 3 more weeks of training and dieting?

Tomorrow, I return to the gym.

The more I think about it...

the more I realize that I didn't stand a chance in the competition. My trainers believed that I could get away with posing the way I did, with my right hand stabilized on my right hip which broke the strict rules on how to position yourself. I think we miscalculated, but we also had no choice. I couldn't do it any other way. So the choice was to do it wrong or not do it at all. We took our chances. I think the outcome, in some measure, setting all other factors aside, can confirm this.

I also think that the first time you do anything, there is a learning curve and this activity certainly had its arc. If I had to sum up the day, I'd say it wasn't all that much fun, but it was intense, interesting and memorable. And painful, both physically and emotionally.

And guess what? My muscles look better today. Fuller, with more pop. I'll need to talk to the trainers about that one. I'm afraid that the "dehydration" process strips the muscles of water, too, and I'm wondering if it's even possible to avoid that outcome.

I further binged on food last night with a glass of pinot noir, actual salad dressing instead of vinegar, and dessert - cheesecake! - with my dinner.

Again, as soon as I have access to pictures, I'll post them here. My family members didn't take any because I wanted them to show up and be spectators and not get caught up with photography.

I've received feedback from friends and this is some of what they had to say:

"No matter how you see it, I see the experience as a huge accomplishment. Getting into shape. The diet. The exercise. The discipline. The logistics of the show. And managing the emotions that that went into all of it. Not having gone through it creates a lot of stress by itself. I'm still very proud of the fact that you just went and did it. It shows amazing strength. Most people could not do what you did yesterday let alone take the journey to get there."

"You looked AWESOME today and I give you so much credit for doing this. You worked your ass off (not that it was big to begin with!) and it showed on stage. I am so proud of you to have the courage and balls to stand up there. Now...when are we going for a real dinner and drinks????"

It's over (hint hint)

OK, it went fine, but I was not called out in the first line ups nor the second. My first class, the 40-49 year olds, was the biggest group out of the entire show. Hence, we can assume correctly that it was highly competitive, suggesting that what showed up on stage was some prime beef. My second class, the shorties or those 5'2 1/2" and under was next, and that was a solid group, too. So my time at the competition is over and I'm going to need to ponder and process the experience further, but I'll share some initial thoughts.

The tanning procedure is a complete pain the ass. It is so susceptible to smudging, I couldn't sit the entire morning. That means I was standing from the time I got there at 7:30 until after the show, maybe around 11. I was wearing flip flops until the last hour when I put on my heels, but still. Oh, my aching back. The tan also runs from sweat and I was sweating on stage. I was ultra dark and that was cool, but as I moved around before the show, I lived in fear of anything touching me. Eventually, when I worked my way through the crowd, a newly arrived guy with a wet coat brushed against me and smudged my shoulder.

All of the competitors were extremely nice, and we spent a lot of time together...waiting. Waiting to get touch ups on our tans in the morning. Waiting to get our glazing before the show (an oil that gives skin a shine). Waiting go on stage. The people I mingled with were all from in town, no out-of-staters. I overheard interesting conversations going on around me.

"If you haven't lost your sense of modesty by now, you better let go of it immediately." (outside the tanning station where people were naked and plenty of others could see what was happening)
"This is my 3rd and last show. I'm tired of being hungry. I want to be able to eat a fillet of fish whenever I feel like it."
"My boyfriend was making fun of me for always having chicken in my purse, then a few nights ago he was hungry and asked if I had any chicken with me that he could eat."
"I lost 20 lbs. since June 1 and haven't gotten my period for 4 months."
"I asked my boyfriend to touch me up and he gave me a hard tine. I don't get it. I could go out and ask any guy to do that and they'd jump in a second."
"I stopped eating carbs about 8 weeks ago. You really don't need them. I ate protein and fat, that's all. At first I was really tired, then my body got used to it."
"What are you doing?" inquires a girl of someone who is laying on her back on the floor with her legs straight up against a wall. "It's to help stop swelling in my legs from standing."

Back to me. I had a little trouble standing perfectly still on stage. At one point, a guy off in the wings, right behind where I was positioned, asked me if I was okay. That wasn't exactly the first time in my life I've been asked this question in reference to the tremor on my right side. I said I was fine, but really I was pissed. Not at him but at how hard it was to stand perfectly still. It was draining. Exhausting. Depleting. I wasn't able to smile much because I felt so beat. To remain in a flexed position for an extended period of time is something you can't really prepare for. You just do it cuz you have no choice. But it's highly unpleasant.

Overall, I compared well to many of the girls in my two classes. But obviously, others stood out more. I have no problem with any of that. I felt extremely comfortable in my own (tanned) skin, I was proud to put myself out there with the rest of them and I was just frustrated that I had to put so much physical and mental energy into my right side. I knew I had it coming though.

The struggle is that half of me works just fine and the other half is challenged to keep up. Which side do I listen to? Both actually. But often it's the normal side that forces the shaky side to come along for a ride it might otherwise prefer not to take.

Was the shakiness a factor? Yes. But at a certain level, I don't care. I asked to be judged and I was. Fair enough. I still get to take my ripped body home.

However, I should confess to what I've eaten today, since the early morning meat and potatoes. 1 Snickers bar (the big kind, not a mini one), half eaten shortly before going on stage and the other half after I was done. Pepperoni pizza (thin crust). 1 sugared Dunkin Donut. And 1 cup of tea with 2 tsp. of sugar. I think that should take care of my off-diet needs for a little while.

A special shout out to trainer Michelle who was with me the whole morning. She touched me up further (it's a never ending task) and pumped me up and, at times, propped me up. It was fantastic to have her there with me.

Now I need a nap. And a massage. And I want to see my pictures. As soon as I get some, I'll post them here. Thanks for everyone's interest in this blog and this journey. I still have the competition in Buffalo in 3 weeks, something that I had fleeting feelings of backing out of this morning, but I will go through with it, then call it a short-lived bodybuilding career ended.

3 1/2 hours til showtime

Spent a good part of last night laying in bed with my heart racing.
Tan is a mess needs. Needs major touch up. Mostly expected that.
Woke up at 5 and spent the next hour talking myself down from the ceiling.
Failed.
Turned on playlist. Ah, that's making big difference.
Make up is on. Feeling like part of my threat is in place.
Muscles? Need to wake them up.
Going to eat some breakfast soon. Meat and potatoes.
Just noticed that I forgot my brush and comb. Texted Michelle to bring hers.
Competitor meeting at 8.
Afterward? Fight the demons and pump up, practice posing and hopefully not puke.

The Last Few Hours in My Life - OMFG!!!!!

This activity has crossed over to become the craziest thing I've ever done. Highlights so far:

I left my house to head over to the hotel at 4:30, just as rush hour was beginning. I was jamming in the car to some great music ("Situation" by Yaz, to be specific) when my phone rings. It's my son. Wants to know why the black bag I packed is still on my bed. Oh noooooooo!!!!!! I've gone too far to go back home in rush hour! He agrees to meet me at an exit to deliver the bag. Phew. That cost me about 30 minutes, but I had about that much to spare.

I get to the hotel, check in and arrive in my room. I requested a frig and a microwave for the food I brought with me, but there were no guarantees that they could honor my request. I have a cooler just in case and can eat my food cold or I can use the microwave in a hospitality suite downstairs. I walk in - frig and microwave are here! Yay!

I go downstairs for my tanning appointment and while I'm waiting, I hear two girls talking about their NPC cards which you need to produce at the show registration which is going on down the hall. Oh crap!!!!! I brought a stripped down wallet with only what I really need (license, credit card, etc.) and left the damn card in my regular wallet at home! I call my son again. He finds the card and tells me he'll take a picture of it and send it to me. Ah!! He saves my butt yet again, less than an hour after the first time.

I go in for my tan. 3 naked women are drying. They leave. I'm alone. I strip then get sprayed with a cool mist that has a funky spell but it's not offensive. I can't believe the transformation! I'm dark!! Really, really dark! I knew to bring a little cover up that touches me minimally so that the tan doesn't rub off, even though it's dry. It's quite revealing, though no private parts are visible, but it's at the edge of what can be worn in public. But all I need to do is get back up to my room. However, the whole show registration process is in full swing, as I knew it would be, so I came prepared to take care of everything on my way back. Except that the line is enormous. The last person probably has a 30-45 minute wait. I decide I'll return in an hour. I'm standing in front of the elevator when a guy approaches, someone who's clearly helping out with the process. I ask him about whether a photo of my NPC card will work. He checks me out, becomes very friendly and tells me he'll go find out. He returns and tells me to follow him, he'll get it taken care of. He takes me to the front of the line. I CUT IN FRONT OF ALL THOSE PEOPLE! I FEEL LIKE SOME KIND OF V.I.P. IT'S CRAZY!!! The photo of the card is fine, they check my posing suit (the bottom can't be a thong style), they check my height and they give me my number - 16. And I'm free to go. How nuts is that?

So now I'm in my hotel room using the internet connection that I was told only worked in the lobby.

I will need to wake up super early to arrive at the competition site by 7:30, in time to get a touch-up on the tan (the company moves all its equipment over there from the hotel). As the tan dries, it gets a little streaky and I understand that after sleeping on it, it will smudge a bit, too. I also splashed a few drops of water on myself and that left marks. Yeeesh, this stuff is hard to maintain.

FYI - All the competition photos (every quarter turn in comparison line ups) and the ranking of all competitors will be posted on the website www.musculardevelopment.com probably by Sunday sometime. I'll make note of it here once it's posted.

Found some traction

I'm a feeling a little restored by finding some traction, partly drawn from the photo here that I looked up last night. Of the 4 competitors, pictured in the March show at the same venue and with the same sponsor for the show I'll be attending tomorrow, the lady with the least muscularity is indisputably the one on the far left. [for a better view, use this link: http://gallery.rxmuscle.com/index.php?comparison=2182#1]

Guest who won her class and WAS THE OVERALL SHOW WINNER? The one on the left. She looks great, but would you pick her out of the line up as the winner? So, as trainer Glenn says, it's a crap shoot. If that's how it's played, then I'm game for some craps.

He also reminded me that being confident goes a long way. Hell, I can do that. I may have conflicting voices in my head, but if I choose to listen, one of them is feeling emboldened by this journey and by the changes reflected back in the mirror. She also appreciates the lunacy of everything. I can and will listen to her.

I also am looking forward to that tan. A nice golden glow can only make me shine.

To offer further calm and balance, tonight I intend to read extreme surfer Laird Hamilton's book, "Force of Nature: Mind, Body, Soul and, of course, Surfing."

Bummed out

I'm a little bummed right now because my body fat measured at 15% today. That's not a very competitive number. I thought the number would be lower since I've lost weight but no. So I guess I'd need to weigh something 96 lbs. to pose a threat. That's a really scary number. Fortunately, I'm never going to see it because after these two competitions, I'm not doing this again. My goal in life is not ultra fitness. It's more like, can I put on a bikini and not send anyone fleeing in fright.

Anyway, in a show of support, some friends dropped off a gift today with a card that read on the outside: What are little girls made of? Sugar and spice and everything nice, that's what little girls are made of! And on the inside was handwritten: "Like hell they are - they are made of muscles, sweat and perserverance! We are so proud of you. Kick ass this Saturday!" Wow!! That came as a pleasant surprise!

In a follow-up email correspondence with one of these friends, she wrote: "I'm incredibly proud of you. I really do know how much hard work goes into this. The weight training is the least of it. Your true commitment is inspiring. You won't need it b/c you already won (as far as I'm concerned), but good luck. Breathe and truly enjoy YOUR moment. I'm cheering for you."

I totally appreciate their interest and emotional involvement. But I can't seem to share that notion of accomplishment at this particular moment. I know the show on Saturday is very competitive and right now, I'd bet against me. While I never considered a top spot a possibility, I also don't want to come in last. I've been believing that everything hinges on the body fat percentage because numbers don't lie. But I think I was seduced by the scale and believed somehow that the number 102 - a very low weight to me - would bring the magic, that it would translate into a lower percentage like maybe 12 or 13.

So I need to somehow put myself in turnaround and find a way to feel positive. I'm not sure how I'm going to do that, but I've got about 24 hours to figure it out.

'Nother thing. I wasn't going to mention it, but what the hell. I got my period today, about 4 days early. Oh joy. A friend told me to make sure that the tampon string isn't hanging out on stage Saturday. That much I think I can do.

3 More Days to Go

I've been drinking a gallon of water daily since Sunday. The only way to make it happen is by adhering to a strict schedule involving consumption of a 16 oz. bottle every 90 minutes, for a total of 8 bottles. That works out to be one bottle at the following intervals:10 a.m., 11:30, 1 p.m., 2:30, 4, 5:30, 7 and 8:30. The mechanics behind this regimen involves training my body to process the water at a continual rate because it's going to keep on coming all day long. When I stop at night, my body continues to process it, and by morning, I've expelled everything (that includes getting up once every night to pee) and can be considered "dehydrated," not in the sense of the medical condition but in terms of water depletion. Essentially, the biology of drinking lots of water is counter-intuitive. It makes you retain less water.

I've also subtracted from my diet all added salt. This does not suggest that I'm not getting any salt because many foods contain it including the staples in my diet right now like chicken, turkey, spinach, sweet potato and eggs. I'm ingesting between 650 and 725 mg. of sodium each day (tracked through my sparkpeople.com page) and the daily recommended amount is anywhere between 500 and 2,500 mg. I think you'd need to eat cardboard to keep it down to 500 mg. So my numbers are low, but nothing extreme.

My weight today is 102-point-nothing and trainer Glenn will do a final body mass assessment on me tomorrow for which I'll post the results here.

Some readers might note that I'm not following "traditional" bodybuilding procedure whereby I "carb deplete" then "carb load" a few days before competing. My reasons for departing from tradition are simple. I feel like that process merely brings you full circle - you wind up back where you started, but maybe you think you're more pumped up only because you just made yourself look and feel like crap. So why bother? You're not actually making any gains. Also, I've achieved my muscle increase and fat reduction through a gradual process - nothing extreme - and now is not the time to mess with that. The carb cycling doesn't always work, either, meaning that it's not always timed right and people return to their original condition too late. Plenty of people will say they look better the day after the show, once they return to more regular food consumption. Of course, the majority of people in this sport will disagree with me on this point. I accept that. But I've been following a semi unconventional path all along - low cardio, 4 days in the gym per week, not 5 or 6, low rep/high weight for some of my training, and a steady and healthy amount of carbs the whole way.

Whether I place or not in the competition does not entirely determine whether my methodology and strategy are correct. It's genetics that largely determines the shape your muscles can grow to be. Massive Mark once said to me "Poor genetics? Then work harder." I applaud that mentality and I certainly have striven as much as I can and I definitely have increased my muscle mass since March 1. But there's a limit to how far I can go, especially without drugs and that's not an option. I accept my reality.

4 Days to Go

A few people have asked me how many women I'll be competing against on Saturday. From what I understand, the answer is about 15 in each of the two classes I'm competing in within the figure category. The first class is my age group, 40-49. There's also a 30-39 group and a 50-59. From what I observed when I attended this show in March (it runs twice a year), the 40 year olds were the most competitive bunch, which is not to say the others didn't look great, it's just that there was more range in those groups in terms of okay looking to great looking. Among the 40 year olds, almost everyone looked amazing. Their success lies with a combination of mature muscle and, according to my self-determined theory, less estrogen. Estrogen makes your skin more fluffy and that could describe some of the 30 year olds. The 40 year olds have a leaner, meaner look. The other class I'll be competing in is called "open," and it's grouped by height. I'll be in the shortest group, those 5' 2 1/2" and under. I'm 5' 2 1/4".

Another question I've been asked is what I'm going to do after I'm done with the two competitions next month. The answer is pole dancing. I'm quite serious about this, too. Think Cirque du Soleil, not strip club. As long as I'm able to do it, I'd like to give it a try, with weekly lessons. I've watched lots of youtube videos featuring some very accomplished people and I think the activity is a great combination of acrobatics and strength work, plus a little dance. I'll still continue with weight training in the gym, but I'll work this activity into my schedule.

I digress...

I have been successfully distracting myself with extreme surfing and skiing documentaries and I've stumbled upon yet another one that merits mention because it's so spellbinding. It's called "Riding Giants," directed by Stacy Peralta who also directed "Dogtown and Z-Boys," a documentary about the emergence of the extreme skateboarding culture in southern California (another title worth pursuing). "Riding Giants" is a reference is the waves of choice, roughly 30 to 50 feet where the bottom of the wave can become the top in just 5 seconds, and as they increase in size, they move faster, pushing a surfer to about 35 mph in some cases. The guys who favor these monsters are featured in action and interviewed in amazing cameos. The drama is as huge as the waves they ride. A few guys die. Others take waves never before attempted. Who knew there is an incredible wave half a mile out in the ocean, off the coast of San Fransisco, where the hazards abound including sharks, rocks and rip currents along with ocean chop. As one of the surfers says in the dvd extras, "the film hits you to the core and challenges you to be bigger, better and freer, and to take the chance that you've never taken but dreamed about." Does that include a bodybuilding competition? I think so! And it beats extreme surfing because, as someone says in the movie, "to catch the ultimate thrill, you must be willing to pay the ultimate price." Anyway, their bold sense of daring and adventure is very appealing. So is the hunky surfing star Laird Hamilton (pictured here) whose reverence for other surfing pioneers is very charming, considering that he's the world's best at riding giants.

6 days to go

I didn't make it to the gym yesterday. I felt like I needed one more day of recovery to make the next 5 days effective. It was a calculated move, and not related to lethary. Today, I'll hit it and make it count. To ensure that yesterday at least felt productive, I started creating my "mind emptying" playlist for the competition. I want to keep my head clear and vacant while I'm waiting to go onstage. Some highlights include: "Blue Monday" by New Order, an old track that reaches my core and can bust through any emotional condition, "Can't Get Blue Monday Out of My Head," by Kylie Minogue which is a mash up of her song "Can't Get You Out of My Head" and "Blue Monday" and it's so damn hot it might fry some brain cells, "Walking on a Dream" remix by Empire of the Sun, "Hot" by Inna, a song whose lyrics make zero sense but it sounds awesome and, for when I need to settle down, "Early Winter" by Gwen Stefani. I'm still collecting more tracks for all my psychological needs.

Some people have asked me about the details surrounding Saturday's show. It's at Lakewood High School, 14100 Franklin Avenue, in the school's auditorium, and the parking situation in a minor nightmare. Parking is available behind the school, but that lot fills up. The only other options are side streets. Wear your hiking shoes. Tickets cost $15. It starts at 10 a.m. with the bikini competitors which are hot girls that lack muscle definition. By 10:30 or sooner, the figure competitors should be lining up. Interspersed with the figure bunch likely will be a class of female bodybuilders, very lean chicks with crazy definition.

This morning competition does NOT reveal winners. They are announced at the evening portion of the event. Why? So the promoter can make more money by selling more tickets. However, what will be revealed in the morning is who's in the top 5. Generally, the first 5 girls called out from the line up for side by side comparisons are the winners, 1-5, with #1 standing in the center. Since there is a big break between the morning and evening shows, I'll post here that afternoon whether I was called out in that initial group.

8 days to go

I should be going to the gym today, but my muscles are totally fried from what has probably been my hardest workout week. There is a point of diminishing return and working out today would definitely cross that line. My trainers did full body workouts with me, plus hill running on the non-gym days. Glenn added another up-and-down lap for a total of 6, plus he increased by 10 lbs. the weight of the sack of oats I carry for 3 of the laps (up from 25 to 35 lbs.). Every part of me needs a short break. My legs are close to shaking if I make any extra demands of them. My feet hurt, too, from practicing in the heels I'll wear for the competition. I'll go back to the gym tomorrow.

I weigh 103.4 right now. The end of the line is 102-point-whatever, in terms of my actual weight. When the water weight starts draining, it will go lower, but that's artificial and highly temporary. I'm satisfied with these numbers.

The thing that has me feeling VERY cranky is the loss of all salt, starting Sunday and lasting until the competition on Saturday. My food is going to taste extremely objectionable and I'm not looking forward to it. I bought a no-salt seasoning, but really, that isn't going to help all that much. The key to my whole diet since Aug. 1 has been to use seasoned salts and rubs (next to no calories! very flavorful! part of my salt-is-my-new-sugar mantra). I haven't had a bad food week yet, so I probably shouldn't complain about finally having one. Still, it's going to be unpleasant.

The other dramatic dietary change is the requirement to drink more water starting Sunday. I'll need to consume a gallon every day until Friday night before the competition, then I won't really drink again until after the Saturday morning judging. I can have a few sips Saturday morning so I'm not parched, but that's it. This water increase means that I'm making no plans except for running to the bathroom to pee every 30 seconds, I mean 30 minutes. Seriously, it's going to suck.

These two elements are supposed to have a dramatic impact on my look. I know that my posing suit pictures don't reveal tons of muscle, but I can guarantee that it's there, and these additional changes in my diet will express it further. So I hope everyone is grossly underestimating me - :> - so I can offer a big surprise with my competition photos. The tan will make a huge difference, as well as all the other factors that my look needs (pumping up, good lighting and draining the water held in my skin).

Final note. I've watched 2 more "extreme" movies and I need to recommend them. "Steep" features the craziest skiing you've ever seen. If miles of remote pure vertical drop isn't enough, then why not launch yourself off of a cliff with nothing below you and your skis, then shortly afterward, hit your parachute button and glide back down to earth. Another is "Extreme," a National Geographic program, featuring skiing and surfing AND wind surfing to the max. These guys take off from the top of an enormous wave, then flip and fly for a few seconds, seeming to defy gravity, until they touch down and take off in the surf from the high winds. Absoltuely breath-takingly stunning.

Since I feel like a piece of meat...

I stand before the grill.

Right about now, some drama...

...or lack thereof. One might expect this period, 13 days from the competition, to be highly stressful and anxiety-ridden. But it's not. I'm feeling very settled, like I've prepared myself and I'm ready to go. This morning, I weighed 103.8 which means I'll probably make my goal of 102 by next week. This is a semi arbitrary number, but it reflects the amount I estimated I'd need to lose to achieve the right, lean look.

The most drama I can summon revolves around the make-over last week which was extremely aggravating and disappointing. The girl who tried out some colors on me was not very skilled and she made me look horrible. I was appalled and embarrassed. After removing the first layer of eyeshadow, she tried another shade that I liked much more and figured I could apply it better myself at home. So I bought a few things, including a gel eyeliner which is amazing and a vast improvement over pencil liner which I've used all my life and now have officially quit. But later that evening, my eyelids felt like they were on fire, a sure(fire) sign that I'm allergic. The next morning, I took the eyeshadow back and fortunately, didn't have any trouble. I also left with ample samples of two different foundation colors, meaning I won't need to buy the crap which is nice since I'll only be using it twice, once for each show. The purpose is to have my face match my (spray) tanned body.

My haircut and color came out fine, no drama there.

Perhaps my posing suit will be the thing that crushes me.

Confession: I haven't even tried on the posing suit since picking it up a week ago. Why? I'm afraid of what I'll look like in it. So this is something I'll need to overcome, starting tomorrow. I have posing practice with trainer Michelle in the morning and I'll be wearing it then. She'll snap a few pictures which I'll post here Tuesday afternoon. Stay tuned, things might take a nosedive.

Advice from Massive Mark

I've seen Massive Mark at the gym on numerous occasions and we generally give each other a nod and that's all, but today, I think we were both more interested in conversation than work. So we chatted. That's how I finally learned his name. And when I attach "massive," I mean huge! I also learned that he'll be 42 next month like me, and he'll be attending the competition on Oct. 2 with a bunch of his other bodybuilding buddies.

I bring him up here because he was generous enough to give me some good advice about competing. No, he wasn't hitting on me (that's what you do for some gain and he wasn't after anything) but maybe he was flirting which is harmless. Ok, with that out of the way, he explained how important it is to be confident on stage. It's all in your face, he says. It doesn't lie. Everyone there is thinking the same thing, he said. "I look good, but...." NO "BUT"!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO "BUT"! "You've got to go out there and know that you look the best you've ever looked and present that as confidence." This is not to be confused with cockiness, he said, although I suppose that might work, too, but that isn't me. He reinforced this point by saying that he has studied people's photos and seen the differences in expression between those at the top and those who placed lower.

In a close competition where several women have similar shapes and dimensions, it's the little things that will separate them and send one ahead of another. If there's anywhere to reach for a little edge, this is one of those places. Massive Mark seemed to believe in me and that felt good. It makes me believe in myself a little more, and every little bit matters. I feel like it was kinda serendipitous and karmic that we had this conversation today.

Extreme...or not?

When I first told trainer Ed King at King's Gym back in February that I was thinking about training for a bodybuilding competition, he warned me that such an activity is an extreme sport. He wasn't taunting or teasing me, just being matter of fact. But that sort of intensified my interest.

I'm not an extreme person in style or conduct, and I rarely engage in anything that could be considered remotely extreme. Of course, "extreme" is a matter of definition, and one person's "extreme" might be another's cakewalk.

But the thought stuck with me as I began my training. I'm doing something extreme! Yay! How bold and daring of my typically conventional self! I've crossed a boundary and now I'm on treading on some wild turf! Whooppee!

So here I am, closing in on competition time and I've been reflecting on whether or not I really believe I've done anything extreme. I think part of my problem with definitively answering the question is deciding what qualifies as extreme to me. I recently mentioned watching a couple of surfing documentaries and I knew as I witnessed guys taking 20 foot waves that their sport qualified as extreme.

What I believe is that I've demonstrated some extreme discipline.

I've lifted heavy weight, I've adhered to a strict diet and I haven't really taken a break in my 6-day-a-week workout schedule during the entire 6 months, but for a day or two due to exhaustion (as opposed to slothfulness). Are these extreme undertakings? Not in and of themselves. But I think that, when combined and sustained for an extended period (I believe 6 months qualifies), they amount to extremism, in the neighborhood of discipline.

I love a solid challenge, I like to defy expectations and I enjoy the sense of accomplishment that accompanies achieving a goal. Whether or not I do well in the competitions is somewhat beside the point. My goal revolved around building muscle, losing fat and remaining healthy throughout the process. I've nailed all three (I've got a 6 pack to prove it!) and that gives me an extreme sense of satisfaction.

That being said, doing well in the competitions still would make me extremely happy, but if I don't do well, I hope that I'm not extremely disappointed. Of course, "doing well" is a matter of definition.

Nothing to do with anything

I just came across this video and wanted to share it. It's kinda wild and entertaining.

Challenging gravity (it's harder than it looks)

A sledding hill doubles as a track for cardio work, for those inclined (hahaha).

3 weeks from today: the 1st competition (I'm fine)

I picked up my posing suit today and here it is! I'm really happy with how it looks. Someday, when I'm 80something, I'll pull it out of storage and say, hahaha, I wore this! In public! On stage! I would have posed in it for a photo here but...I have an unsightly problem. I was practicing my posing moves in a bikini earlier this week in my backyard where there's a patio with wonderfully reflecting sliding glass doors leading outside. I didn't feel it at the time, but my rear was attacked by a gang of mosquitoes, or maybe it was one particularly militant one (target practice on June's ass!). Anyway, I have at least half a dozen bites on my butt. And they itch something awful! 'Nuf said.

OK, I finally decided to make water consumption a high priority, now that my time is running out on this critical element of my preparation. I've been trying to get the prescribed gallon down, but I haven't come close. I actually hate this part of my diet, but I understand that it's a necessity. At best, all I've done in the last few weeks is half a gallon (64 ounces). Yesterday, I made 100 ounces happen, and I know I can keep that up. 128 ounces = one gallon, but Glenn said that drinking my body weight in ounces of water should be enough.

My weigh today is 105 exactly. I'm hoping that tomorrow, I'll bust into the 104s.

I never did run up and down a hill with Glenn earlier this week (scheduling conflicts), but we have a plan to do that Sunday.

In the coming week, I'm having my hair cut shorter and I'm having it colored. I'll also stop at the M.A.C. make-up counter for a little experimentation to see how we can punch things up a little for the stage. So maybe by the end of next week, once my bites have healed and with my new look, I'll slap on the posing suit and take a picture to post here.

As for the posing itself, the back pose is my greatest challenge. My back faces the judges and the issue lies with making my upper back on the right (bad) side line up evenly with the left. The unsteadiness is most of the problem. The musculature is there, but it's hard to present it properly. Glenn suggested steadying my right arm by letting my right hand rest on my right hip instead of letting in hang freely. I think I'm going to go with that and hopefully, the judges won't say anything.

In the meantime, I continue to lift heavy and hard (i.e. yesterday - walking lunges across the length of a fitness studio carrying 20 lb. dumbbells in each hand. 3 times there and back. And the end of each lap, I held the lunge position and dipped down 10 times, left leg first, next lap, right leg.)

Latest numbers

This time trainer Glenn did a body mass assessment on me not at my request but of his own volition. I submitted because I guess a part of me is still curious while also realizing that these numbers tend to be not favorable. As the day wore on, I kept guessing what the percentage of body fat would be (the number I'm most hung up on), to test myself on how I would feel about each potential outcome. Finally, at 5:15, he texted me the results. I was surprised. I would like the the body fat percentage to be lower, but I feel pretty good about where it stands. It marks a big decrease from last time. However, I've lost a pound of muscle which probably can be expected at this point and that figure could always be worse, like 2 pounds of lost muscle. The results, as compared to those taken on July 29, are:

16.1% body fat (down from 19%)
16.9 lbs. fat (down from 20.8)
88.1 lbs. lean body mass (down from 89.8)

And why not compare today's results with those from March, the first time we took measurements:

26.75% body fat
30 lbs. fat
83.5 lean body mass

Big changes!

If I can get down to 14% body fat, I'll be satisfied. At the beginning of this process, I thought I might reach 12%, but I'm realizing that's not going to happen. I can accept that. Hopefully, in these final 3 weeks, I'll lose a few more pounds of fat and if I'm lucky, I'll retain all my muscle.

The Cleveland show

This past weekend, there was a big bodybuilding show held in Cleveland. I thought I'd post the top 3 winners in my category (figure) and my class (the shortest) for the sake of...I don't know what. But here they are, first place starting at the top left, going clockwise.

Time out/Wiped out

I took a big time out yesterday. I was wiped out. I also was sore from Friday's deadlifts - 3 sets of 20 reps with a 40 lb. barbell. Having hamstrings that hurt is really annoying, every time you take a step. I should have run a mile last night, but no way. Plus, after my 1,500 calories for the day was reached with dinner, I was still hungry later in the evening. This has happened before and it's a matter of degree. Sometimes I eat something innocuous like sauteed mushrooms or carrots at 10 p.m. Last night I went for the hummus. Probably not the greatest idea but I didn't care. This morning the scale said 105.2 so it didn't do any harm. I'll probably break into the 104s very soon.

Speaking of wipe outs, I've watched 2 terrific surfing documentaries this weekend and I highly recommend them. Both are 90 minutes long and shot all over the world. "Step into Liquid" was the first and it was technically amazing. The things these guys and a few women can do on a board are bold, daring and fascinating. Really spellbinding. They're very competitive with each other which pushed them to be even crazier. The height and strength of the waves suggest the very real possibility of death or injury, too. In one case, it was the latter. One guy made a habit of facing the open water rather than the beach when he surfed. OK...

The other movie is a classic from 1964, "The Endless Summer," a reference to 2 guys traveling around the globe to find waves and summer in Africa, New Zealand and Tahiti, to name a few of the many beach locations to which they dragged their boards. This movie is very much a product of its time period with 1960's cars, hair/clothing styles and the cheesy background music found in everything filmed from that age. One wild discovery made in Tahiti was a cove where the waves broke heading away from shore, so they surfed them in the reverse direction. On the cape of S. Africa where the Indian Ocean meets the Atlantic Ocean, they learned that there is a 20 degree temperature difference in the water within a short distance. In Durban, on the southeast coast, they needed to surf some enormous sand dunes to get to the beach. In Ghana, way up north nearly on the equator, they met up with conditions where the air was about 100 degrees, there was tremendous humidity and the water was 90 degrees. Insane!

Weight/Wait

It looks like I'll need to wait a little longer until I see a change on the scale. My weight is holding at 105.6. I blew through 106 easily, but 105 isn't coming off so fast. I haven't been doing anything wrong, so I'm not sure what's up, but I'm also not making any changes right now. I'll see what next week brings. I'm hoping to lose 2-3 more pounds by the week before the first competition on Oct. 2 which is four weeks from today. If I don't succeed, I know Michelle has methods that will strip away the fat, but they're not fun. I haven't asked for details, but I think it involves carb depletion and severe calorie restriction, like in the neighborhood of 900. Sounds highly unpleasant. Fortunately, we haven't needed to resort to anything drastic yet. That was one of my gravest fears surrounding this activity: an extended period, maybe 6-8 weeks before the competition, when I imagined I'd feel like crap, have no energy and suffer from persistent headaches for which I'd pop tylenol like candy from a pez dispenser. I believe that my trainers have guided me well so that I've managed to avoid this conceivable scenario. I actually feel fine, except by the end of the week, my muscles are definitely drained and Saturday, my day off, brings tremendous relief.

Buffalo

The second competition I'm signed up for is Oct. 23 in Buffalo. I just booked my hotel, filled out the application form and - check this out - scheduled my lie detector test! Yes, they make every competitor submit to a test where they'll ask about any drug usage. I will happily oblige. Anything to ensure that "natural" means natural. No anabolic steroids, growth hormone, prescription diuretics, depressant drugs, narcotics, muscle implants (??) and clenbuterol, all banned. The sponsor of this show takes the matter very seriously and I have loads of respect for him. It's only fair for apples to compete with apples and not rotten cores.

Round up

Well, it looks like I will not be attending the North American Bodybuilding Championships in Cleveland this weekend. The figure competitors (my category) are judged at 8:30 a.m. on Sat. and that's a wee bit too early. Of course, if I REALLY wanted to go, I'd get up at 6:30, be out the door by 7:30 and in my seat by 8:30. But the truth is, I'd rather not extend myself at that hour. Plus, I have a feeling that the show would seriously mess with my head. Some of the women who are competing have taken drugs and the difference is apparent, and I'd wind up spending the whole time there wondering who's natural and who's not. That's annoying. Of course, I'll be wondering the same thing during the show I'm competing in, but hey, whatever. It's worth recalling though that the judging criteria is not based on size but definition, symmetry and proportion. And muscles built naturally stay with you after the show, whereas muscles that are "juiced" deflate after the show, assuming the drugs are curtailed to avoid dire consequences.

*

As it turns out, last night was my last swim in the backyard pool. The heat has evaporated enough water where the level is lower than it needs to be and I don't want to fill it up with a hose for the purpose of 1 or 2 more swims, only to drain the whole thing in 10 more days for the paint job. So trainer Glenn has stepped up and offered another method of torture: hills. He plans to join me at a sledding hill to scale it with weight somehow attached to me. I haven't bothered to gain a full understanding of what he has in mind cuz it would instill fear and trepidation. I prefer blissful ignorance, for as long as it can last. Our first session will be Wed. "But what if it rains?" I asked Glenn. "So?" was his reply. I guess I can count on participating in this activity no matter what. It will only take about 10 or 20 minutes, he said, depending on how much rest I require.

This exercise fits Glenn's "minimal cardio" approach to fitness. It's based on the principle that dedicated cardio beyond roughly 20 minutes can lead to catabolism where muscle is burned for fuel instead of fat. Of course, cardio (or an elevated heart rate) is a direct part of solid weight training, especially where super sets are involved (a set of say 12 reps with one exercise or machine, then a set of 12 with another exercise or machine, repeated in rotation say 3 times). This builds muscle while burning fat. What's considered by many fitness professionals to be a superior form of cardio is the HIIT approach (high intensity interval training) where the heart rate spikes through challenging work for say a minute, then drops for a minute, then spikes, then drops over maybe 8-10 minutes. Weight training can achieve this pattern. So can hill climbing. Gravity will be very punishing.

*

This holiday weekend will be the final challenge to my meal-time mettle. I'm going to be surrounded by lots of food and alcohol and those things will not be easy to resist. My only coping mechanism is to try to ensure that I'm never hungry when I'm around the things I can't eat. This method makes it a little easier to control myself. But it's still hard. Really hard. I know, however, that the time period for which I need to behave is shrinking, and there's sugar on the horizon! I think about this a lot, too. I try to imagine a gradual reintroduction, rather than a massive binge. Except we just booked an 8 day cruise for winter break. If I manage to not go crazy up until then, I don't know how well I'll succeed on vacation. I guess there's always my food scale, measuring cups and calorie restriction for when I return.

The costs

With the competition rapidly approaching, it's time to start paying some fees, including $110 to compete in the Oct. 2 show, $90 to become a member of the NPC (National Physique Committee) which sponsors the show, $160 for my hotel, in addition to the $250 spent on the posing suit, $35 for posing shoes that I'll only wear for this activity and unmentionable training fees for a 6 month period. I'm not complaining, just reporting.

Also, the competition training has taken from me about 12 lbs., hahaha. Now I weight 105.8.

The other competitors

I've been wondering a lot lately about what the rest of the competition is doing right now. Are they suffering as they try to drop weight? Are they working harder than ever before? Are they feeling confident, possibly justifiably so?

Fortunately, I'm feeling secure enough in my diet and workout regimen that these issues don't rattle me too much, but I can't help being curious. I know I'm doing everything I can do achieve my goals ON TIME. My diet is exactly right and there's only so much exercise a person can do before diminishing return or counter productivity sets in.

I do know, however, that as soon as I see everyone looking their best on the day of the competition, I'm going to feel very unsettled and insecure. I'm trying to prepare myself for that which means going through a script in my head where I remind myself that I did everything I could, I trained hard and this is the best I could do. There will be no thoughts surrounding I-should-have, I-could-have.

The wild card with my preparation though is still my arm. I cannot predict how well I'll control it. It's all a matter of degree. I can't hold it perfectly still, but how close can I come? To address the issue, I have my single best strategy in place. It involves working my right arm to exhaustion before I go onstage. This helps minimize the shaking under normal circumstances and what makes it shake more than usual is nervousness. So I'm in a bit of a bind. But Michelle will be with me up until nearly the time I line up backstage, and she will work with me using bands or dumbbells. Over and over. All I need is about 5 minutes of recovery to have enough strength and energy left to flex, although there is the pumped up factor that will enhance the look, too.

Needless to say, this is all a grand experiment.

Salt is my new sugar

When I need a blast of flavor, time to bring on the kosher salt which is much lower in sodium than regular salt (280 mg. of sodium vs. 590 mg in 1/4 tsp.). Everything tastes better with salt. This is not to say I'm dumping it all over everything. More like I'm liberally applying it when needed.

I've been strictly adhering to a diet of 1,500 calories and it's working. In fact, this week has been a textbook case in weight loss. It's been dropping by .2 lbs. daily which works out to be the pound loss in one week for which I'm aiming. I weigh 106.8 now. If I continue at this pace, I'll get down to 102 which is a ridiculous number, but that's the week before the competition, and the following week I'll start bringing it back up which raises an interesting question.

What do I want my weight to return to? Since I feel like I'm in complete control of this issue, all I need to do is pick the number and make it happen by finding the amount of calories per day which will maintain it, along with the level of exercise that will support the number. I realize that's more easily said than done, but I think I have the skills now to mastermind it. At the very least, it's worth a try. I think I like the look of 106.