Conclusions

"It was now or never."

That's what the 47-year-old dentist from Erie said during breakfast yesterday as one explanation for why he decided to compete. But he did note that it's a hard question to answer and he even posed the same question to marathon runners and noticed how they, too, often have a hard time coming up with a coherent response.

Anyway, I don't want to belabor this point since I've given it plenty of treatment here, but I think that the now-or-never element is critical. I turn 42 in 2 days and somewhere in the murkiness of my mind was the thought that this year was probably a good time to take on this bodybuilding project. It wasn't going to get any easier at some other point in the future.

However, I've always been conflicted about this whole thing because of my shaky right arm. Working out in the gym with trainers is one thing, but putting it all up on the stage is quite another. I'm asking to be held to a standard that I really can't meet, in terms of presentation of myself. But I guess from the start, I decided to set that aside. The real goal was to improve my body and the only way that was going to happen was with the "threat of the stage," as I liked to refer to it, looming in the distance. Without that threat, maybe I'd eat the cookie or skip the gym on some days.

I wanted the body. And that's really where it all starts and stops. Nothing was going to stand in my way. I surrounded myself with trainers who were my enablers. I found great satisfaction in my progress and that became self-reinforcing. I also purged any negativity ("bodybuilding is stupid," according to my older son).

Why did I want the body? Hmmmm. That's a hard one. I suppose I have fundamental insecurities related to my shaky arm and I'm always searching for ways to negate it or cancel it out with other qualities - some cool shoes, jewelry, make-up, nail polish - anything to make it not the focal point. Having a great body screams that everything is okay. I may be a hemiplegic but hey, whatever. I steamroll right over that little inconvenience.

Any evidence that proves I'm actually succeeding at overcoming it is important to me. That won't ever go away.

What will I do next? is a question many people have been asking me. Bullfighting is what my husband jokes about. With bodybuilding, I've dabbled in a semi-extreme activity, but I'm not a thrill seeking, adrenaline addicted junky. I don't need to take it a step higher and further. I will stick to 4 times in the gym per week and I'll continue to eat well, according to my new understanding of what constitutes well. Other than that, I'll go back to writing my book now that I have some new material and a fresh perspective. My book is a memoir dealing with the stroke I suffered at age 10 and the lifelong pursuit of dealing with its consequences.

I've enjoyed sharing the details of my experiences here on this website (because I'm a writer and I like to write!) and I appreciate the readers who have followed it. The software supporting this blog allows me to track the number of readers and where they are from. The audience includes folks from Poland, U.K., Belgium, France, Italy, Israel, Spain, South Africa, Brazil and Japan. I have no idea how each of you found this site, but I'm glad you did.

My only advice: take some chances and show some strength.

Informal photos from Buffalo

In the group shot, the girl to the right of me in the pink posing suit won first place. You be the judge.

The Results

I earned a 3rd place out of 6 competitors in the category called age 35 and up, short (under 5' 2", even though I'm 5' 2 1/4"). I was very happy about that, but I need to say that the winner had cellulite and major jiggle going on in her rear. Super sweet girl, but ya know, the winner???? Ok, whatever.

One of the other categories I competed in involved a total of 3 competitors for which I took 3rd place and 5 competitors for which I took 5th place. All places were rewarded with trophies, so I have 3. The winners, however, were not what you would expect. The posing in many cases was awful and yet.... How do we explain this? Well, my answer is that things seemed a little incestuous here in Buffalo. By that I mean many of the competitors belonged to one particular gym and those girls won the top spots over and over. The judges were from the Buffalo or Rochester area and seemed to know the competitors. When one judge needed some tylenol, she turned to one of the competitors she knew and the girl gladly handed some over, about an hour before the show started. Hmmmm. The promoter of the whole show mentioned that some judges didn't judge certain categories due to "conflicts of interest." Reallllly.

I'm not complaining because I had a good time, the show ran smoothly, the facilities were wonderful and all of the girls were really friendly. The guys were super nice, too. I went out to breakfast this morning with a 47-year-old dentist from Erie who was accompanied by his trainer. I had chatted with the dentist a day earlier because he was staying in the same hotel as me. He also competed at the Lakewood show (and didn't do well even though he looks great). I enjoyed my time with them because they were warm, supportive and engaging.

I also became friends with an exceptionally friendly and chatty woman from Buffalo. And a very sweet guy who plays "semi professional football" (not sure what that is) and often comes to Cleveland to play games was a pleasant source of conversation before the evening show. He admitted to cheating on his diet often and it certainly didn't show, but his honesty was amusing.

I felt like some kind of exotic import being from Cleveland while all of the other competitors were from Buffalo and maybe a few from Rochester. I seemed to get a lot of audience support with loud cheers during the evening portion when competitor came out individually and did a series of poses, striking each after trotting to the center of the stage, then the side, then back to the center, then off. I did a bicep flex for one pose and the audience seemed to like that.

I think my posing was great, exactly as I practiced it which incorporated vast improvements over last time. Many of the other girls struck extremely awkward and ugly positions. Sorry, but that's how it was. I felt that my look was very competitive, with the right amount of leanness and plenty of definition. Since this was a 100% drug free show, no one had crazy big muscles and that was refreshing and felt very comfortably fair.

My tan came out vastly better this time, too. It made my past experience feel like an abomination. But what did I know then? That being said, I can't wait to jump in the shower and wash it off.

The balance of the day was spent shopping and dining in a cute section of town with neat stores (all boutiques, no chain stores! just the way I like it). At lunch I had a glass of merlot and with dinner, I had a martini. I also had a cream sauce on my 5 cheese ravioli dish at dinner, though no dessert because I was stuffed. I am going to have lots of fun restoring a few pounds because right now, I fully admit that I'm too thin. My face looks drawn, but that's partly from the stress leading up to this show and lack of sleep.

Next: I need to further process that last 6 months and I intend to draw a few conclusions which I'll post here, for anyone who wonders what the past 6 months have meant and where I go from here.

Coming shortly, some pictures from Buffalo.
Thanks for your interest.
Be strong!

1 Day Left

I weighed 100.8 lbs. this morning.
I've practiced my posing.
I've got my food all weighed, measured and packed.
I'm ready for Buffalo, my final competition.

All I need to do is keep my head in the game and nail my posing. The show starts at 1 p.m. on Saturday with what's known as the pre-judging which actually is the real judging except that the winners are not announced. That happens during the evening show which starts at 6 p.m. on Saturday. So it's a full day of tension, basically.

This time, I plan to eat more intelligently leading up to the competition. I did a bad job of that last time and I don't want to repeat those mistakes. I even plan to eat an entire big Snickers bar 10 minutes before I go on stage for a super energy boost. Last time, I ate a few bites about 30-45 minutes before going on stage. I missed the mark with both that quantity and timing.

So I'm secure with my plans and I'm going after this show as a true competitor, not a completely inexperienced, fogged-out beginner. I hope I can deliver on my intentions and report some good news here later Saturday night.

Waxing, Clenching, Blabbing, Planning

I had my first ever leg waxing appointment today. First times can be replete with anxiety and stress and this experience definitely qualified in those departments. I was not looking forward to today's procedure and I was even a few minutes late, something I work hard to avoid. I pride myself on being punctual. Pride went out the door as soon as I entered the room. The Russian lady who attended to me assured me that I was in good hands, that I'd be fine. I wanted to believe her since she's an informed source. I had visions of crying. Maybe I'd need her to stop so we could take a 5 minute break. I'd be sweating profusely. I had no serious plans for afterward.

On a scale on 1-10 with 10 being the most painful, I'd say, at worst, it was a 7. At best, it was a 5. The pain was uneven, with some parts of my leg hurting worse than others. I clenched my teeth and said OW! about a dozen times. But the aesthetician was very friendly and happy to talk the whole time. That helped. Mostly, we talked about her diet and interest in losing some weight, maybe 20 lbs. to start, then another 20 lbs. This is one of my favorite topics right now, so I advised her on what she should eat. That took a good 20 minutes of the 45-minute appointment. The rest of the time we talked about her kids and waxing itself. She told me that it would hurt less the next time and that I will love the result.

Well, right now my legs have red marks where the hair was ripped out, so they don't look very attractive, but that will go away in another day. I think I'm happy with the outcome and I certainly like the idea of not having to shave, so I'm planning on going back for a second time when I'm ready. And after I see how that goes, maybe there will be a third time. Most of all, I'm glad this is over with.

Dropping a Bomb

People have been asking how the first competition went (obviously uninformed, non-readers of this blog) and I've answered, without hesitating, "I bombed!" Look, if you're going to do poorly, coming in last place is not a bad way to do it. It ramps up the drama. It elevates the humor. Furthermore, how often does that happen, bombing? Since I don't take myself or any of this too seriously (this is not life and death stuff!), I enjoy seeing their reactions. They laugh, they understand the levity and they don't need to follow up with any positive spin. I'm clearly okay with bombing...as long as I don't make a habit of it.

Anyway, a persistent source of low level frustration has surrounded my gym shoes. I've been loyal to the brand Ryka for the past few years because I like the styles but the latest pair I bought has been driving me nuts. They're the high top variety (hark, I hear the '80s calling) which I prefer but they fit like ski boots. They're a total pain in the butt to put on and take off which is, of course, what one does with shoes a few times per day. So I was at a grocery store today and saw a lady wearing the absolute coolest shoes ever (pictured here). I love color - the more, the better. She told me where she bought them and I buzzed right over there and claimed them. The Nike Air Max 24/7. Welcome!

4 days left in my competitive bodybuilding career

I've been drinking a gallon of water since Sunday. I've stopped adding any salt to my food since then, too. Standard procedure, the week before a competition. It's definitely easier this second time around. Kinda like, I've been here, done this, not a big deal.

What hasn't gotten any easier is responding to the often asked question, why did you decide to do this? I'm still not great at answering it because I have multiple reasons, any of which I might tap depending on how I'm feeling at that moment, but none which really nails it on the head. However, I stumbled across something interesting along these lines in a recent NY Times article concerning the Mount Lemon Marathon in Tucson, Arizona. It's an extreme endurance race, with a vertical climb of 8,000 feet where the air becomes thinner and poses a challenge in and of itself. It's touted as the world's toughest road marathon, lasting 26.2 miles uphill. "Runners are like fishermen," one observer explained. "They'll talk about how steep this race was forever. It's steep. It's tough. But it will get steeper and tougher every time they tell it." Hahaha. I get it.

One participant offered another perspective. "Why are people going further and harder and stronger? It makes other things in life seem much more doable. We have so many challenges in our lives with the economy and people losing their jobs and homes. This is a way of defeating those things and breaking the monotony of life."

But here's the crux of the matter, according to the same runner: "I don't love pain but I do like challenges. And unless something is difficult, it doesn't seem that satisfying."

Bingo. There it is, expressed more concisely than I've been able to put it. A fine way to explain part of my interest in competitive bodybuilding.

5 Days Out

I went to the Gorilla Pit yesterday, a gym that's about as hardcore as they come. Lots of heavy objects fill the not extremely large space which looks like a warehouse with a garage door in the back. I saw cement balls weighing upwards of 200 lbs., tires weighing around 450 lbs., and other inventive objects like tall, steel, possibly hazardous chemical containers with handles on them weighing about 200 lbs. for carrying and kegs filled with water also for carrying. Trainer Glenn video'd some of our time there with his phone, so I'll post it here once he sends it to me. One of my activities was flipping a 150 lb. tire 25 times (5 sets of 5 reps). It was intense but satisfying.


I did some posing practice with trainer Michelle this morning at which time she also measured my body fat. Check this out....11.5%!!!! This is the number I needed to hit and I nailed it. The carb cycling seems to have worked. Yay!!


I'm taking the preparation for tanning a little more seriously this time around. That means I'm using an exfoliating product all week to get my skin ready. As it says on the product, the solution will "correct skin's pH to ensure the best hi-definition color. It exfoliates impurities and dead skin cells to reveal younger, healthier skin for better absorption of color." Do I believe any of this claim? Well, after seeing the difference between girls' tans at the last show, I determined that clearly some people looked better than others. Better would be defined as skin that looked like creamy peanut butter vs. others that looked like a graham cracker. Not as smooth and silky. I think I leaned more toward graham cracker. Hopefully, I'll achieve a better result this time.

Otherwise, I'm feeling good about the competition, especially since its number of participants will be smaller. What that means is last place may be #7 or #8 which is not quite like #16. Anyway...I'm not dwelling on any of it. I just want to improve my presentation and I think with some more practice I can do that. But right now, my look is where it needs to be and others have noticed. A guy at the gym over the weekend told me I have great abs. That felt reassuring. It makes the punches potentially thrown in a show a little easier to take.

Another set of pix, from a different photographer

A Guy Walks into the Gym...

looking hyper buff, confident and focused. He doesn't say anything to anyone, just grinds out his reps with heavy weight, no breaks and takes some creative approaches to his work. I'm impressed. He's young, clearly in his early 20's, and all I can wonder is whether what he's got is natural or built by drugs. Really, that's my #1 source of curiosity about most people in the gym. How do you come by all your muscle? Through hard work or artificial enhancement? Because I have the utmost respect for natural muscles and minimal regard for anything else.

I see this guy a second time, then a third. We sort of cris-cross our paths, with some overlap in a few areas of the gym. I can tell he's noticing me. I have an overwhelming urge to break the ice and say something. Nothing wrong with that. I don't want to discuss world peace or global warming, just a little inane gym chat. So I tell him that maybe he could use a wireless headset like mine since his iPod has fallen out of his pocket about 3 times already. He's intrigued and thinks it's a good idea. He'll check it out. By the way, my name is Adam, he tells me and shakes my hand.

You just never know someone's true identity when you meet random people. Maybe they have a sordid past. Maybe they misrepresent themselves. Maybe they are flat out pathological liers. I think Adam fulfills all 3. I have another conversation with him after he becomes a little competitive with me by copying my decline push ups but one-upping me by intensifying them (using a stability ball for his feet instead of a step like I used and planting only one foot on the ball while letting the other one extend outward, ouch!!). He tells me that he's a personal trainer, works at another nearby gym, but also likes to work in people's homes (he makes more money that way). He reveals that he's completely drug free. Holy crap!! "I don't even use protein powder," that being the most mild product a person, such a myself, might be willing to ingest. He gives me his card. "24 hour training," it says. Who needs a trainer at 3 a.m.??? Hmmmmm.

When I get home, I google him because I feel a strange vibe, like there's something I don't know. Maybe it's my latent reporter's instincts. The first item to appear in my search has the subject line: "Student Arrested on Drug Charges," dated Feb. 1, 2010. He sold cocaine and other prescription drugs in college. He was caught in a buy bust when he sold 5 ounces of coke to a narc. In a later search of his home, they found other drug paraphernalia and marijuana. He was arrested and taken to jail. He was charged with 3 fourth-degree felonies which have a maximum sentence of 18 months and 1 fifth-degree felony with a maximum sentence of 12 months.

Apparently, he didn't do the maximum time. I don't know whether he did any time at all. But what I realize is that he absolutely lied when he filled in a few other details of his biographical info. Something verifiable: his card says he's certified through the National Association of Sports Medicine. No, he's not. I checked its website which allows for credential validation. He's not listed.

I shouldn't be shocked but, silly me, I am. He seemed like a nice guy, even if something felt a little amiss.

But the real question is, do I still believe that he really doesn't take any drugs to achieve that ripped-to-shreds look? Nah, not a chance.

Potential Paperweights

Here's how the Buffalo competition is going to work. First of all, I'm changing my posing technique. I have another way to hold my right arm steady, by resting it against my right leg to achieve a much improved position. I couldn't execute this with the last show because I was much too nervous, but I'm expecting to feel far more at ease this time. Not relaxed, but definitely not standing there almost unable to breathe. Plus, I'll be eating more on the day of the show, so I won't be so depleted, feeling like I'm running on empty.

I will compete in 3 - yes, 3! - categories because, why not? I'm eligible to do it and this will be my last competition, so I'm going for it. I'm entered in my age group, 35 - 45 (contrasting with the ages for the last show which were 40 - 49), my height (the short people) and something called "novice" which includes those who have never placed in the top 3 in a previous competition. The number of entrants will be much smaller than at the last show, leaving open the possibility for me to actually place in the top 5. This would mean I could bring home a trophy and I can always use another paperweight. But what I really intend to get out of this show are some nice pictures for posterity. I seek to capture the tan and some solid buffness.

Toward that latter pursuit, I'm hoping to drop another percentage or 2 in body fat. To achieve the loss, I started last Friday doing a low carb rotation where I don't have any carbs with dinner one day, the next day no carbs with lunch and dinner, then on the third day, I have carbs with every meal. I'll continue this regimen through sometime next week, a few days before the competition on Oct. 23. This approach isn't demanding anything too crazy of me and hopefully, it will budge a couple more lbs. of fat. Trainer Glenn will do another assessment next Thursday, so I'll report whether I meet my goal. 12% or 13% body fat would be nice compared to 15% taken at the last measurement, just before the first competition. Today, I weigh 102.8. With the loss of about 2 lbs. of water by the end of next week (drinking a gallon of water all week, what fun), I could easily go just under 100 lbs. which is totally freaky but also very temporary. After the Buffalo competition, I'm blowing outta there for some rest and relaxation in Toronto where I fully intend to eat, drink and be merry (that means shop), no matter what the outcome of the show is.

A New Form of Torture

The time has come. I'm probably long overdue anyway. But now I have no choice. I'm going to need to get my legs waxed. AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There are reasons why I've never done this before and they involve FEAR and PAIN!!! AHHHHH!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!! OMG!!!!! The reason for the arrival of this misfortune is the timing of the Buffalo show. It begins at 1 p.m. on a Saturday afternoon. My first of two tanning appointments is at 6 p.m. on Friday, after which time I won't be able to shave. My second tan is at 9 a.m. the next morning. The evening portion of the competition is at 6 p.m. Saturday night. So I need to go from roughly 5 p.m. Friday until 8 p.m. Saturday without shaving and that could exceed what my legs can handle. It could be a very unsightly look. I don't want to take that risk. So I'll be submitting to this new form of torture. BUT WAIT!! IT GETS WORSE! I learned when I booked the appointment for Wed. next week that I can't shave for about 5 days in advance. AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!! I will NOT be wearing my short shorts to the gym during that period. I also better not suffer any major accident or health crisis cuz that look could seriously scare someone.

I am NOT happy about this set of circumstances. In fact, I imagine that I will lose a significant amount of sleep the night before the appointment. I read a few web pages about this topic and one suggested taking tylenol beforehand. Brilliant. I will do that. I think a few shots of Grey Goose wouldn't be a bad idea either. Screw the calories!

Pole dancing/vertical gymnastics experience

No. Not for me. The pain-to-fun ratio was way off, tipped far in favor of pain. The whole skin gripping the pole aspect burned intensely. I had the beginning of a welt forming on the top side of my foot, and that was in the first 5 minutes of the 2 hour class. I understood that working with the pole could hurt, but this crossed the line with what I could tolerate. I was instantly frustrated by that.

I suppose that today isn't an ideal day for me to be doing this because I have some soreness in my quads and hamstrings from some hard independent gym work yesterday. Even though I'm accustomed to that kind of discomfort, I thought it interfered. I'm also a little tired, possibly because I'm tinkering with my diet in preparation for the Buffalo show. I need to strip away a little more fat, so I'm low carbing today.

Anyway, the instructor Pantera was awesome. Very funny and charismatic, with great stories from her past 11 years teaching this craft, along with time she spent in "titty bars, " as she referred to them. She's loose and free, but she's tough, smart and highly conscious of safety. She takes pride in having had zero injuries in all the time she's been teaching. I have a ton of respect for her talent and ability to support herself with this activity. I also love her personal motto: same pole, different swing.

Looking ahead: The Buffalo show is exactly 2 weeks from today. I feel a lot more settled with the prospect of doing everything all over again. It seems like much of the anxiety has been drained outta me.

I have a new cardio activity to restore some novelty to my training - jumping rope. It's hard to believe how intense it can be, especially since I recall jumping rope as a kid and never becoming winded. Now it makes my chest feel like it's on fire, with just a 30-second interval. Gonna need to work on that.

Glenn has offered to accompany me to the Gorilla Pit, a hardcore gym he belongs to where there are no machines, just heavy objects. He insists I'll be able to find things to do there, despite my doubts. We'll be going there in a week, next Sunday.

Otherwise, it's strict eating and serious strength work.

The Evidence, from the Scene of the Crime

I'm not ducking or dodging here...

...the photos haven't been posted yet to the websites that report on these things. I thought maybe if I post something like this, that will accelerate the process, hahaha. I don't understand how these things work, but I do know now that there were multiple photographers shooting because some of the competitors' photos have been posted (maybe 25% of those who competed) with several different people receiving photo credits. Also, there's no rhyme or reason to which ones have been posted. So, I wait, impatiently.

Okay folks, here's half of the story...

I called it.
13th place out of 15 for my height class.
16th place out of 16 for my age group. Actually, I tied with another girl for 16th.
Wow.
The only way to explain this is that my posing essentially disqualified me. Otherwise, it's that I looked like crap. But I'm going with the former explanation, not the latter.
The other half of the story is the pictures and they should be up very soon. It looks like everything is being loaded right now.

VERTICAL GYMNASTICS!!!!

I found a local studio that offers pole dancing classes and this weekend, it's featuring master classes with Pantera, a world champion, semi-goth chick with an attitude and lots of tattoos, seen in this video. I signed up for a 2 hour session! This will be my first attempt at the practice of what she calls "vertical gymnastics." Once again, my older son has completely trashed the idea ("you're 40 years old! you're a mother! find something else to do!") which clearly means it's a great idea. Can't wait! I'll report the results here over the weekend. But no, I won't be doing a blog called www.confessionsofapoledancer.com, as some have suggested.

Dietary Sandtrap

I trained with Michelle this morning and she agreed that I look much fuller today. So I fell into the classic sandtrap of looking better after the show. Why do so many people make this mistake? Because you never know how your body is going to respond to what you do to it. The hope is that the next time, you'll get it right. Eventually, I'll have the pictures up here from the competition and they'll reflect this somewhat deflated condition. There will definitely be a second set of pictures 3 weeks from now posted here (no delay) that hopefully will show improvement because we are changing my strategy by eating up rather than down. That includes a carb load without a carb depletion.

Looking ahead...

I'm sorry to report that the competition photos have not been posted and based on how long it took to post the March show results (I just checked), it might be another few days. I guess I screwed up by not having a family member snap a few shots. I just figured that the show photographer had the best angle and would capture the best picture. For the Buffalo show, I'm definitely assigning my husband the task.

From what I've been told, the rules for posing are more flexible at the Buffalo show because it's a different organization that's sponsoring it. I might find a better opportunity under those conditions. In any event, I'm all signed up, so I'm going to do it. What's 3 more weeks of training and dieting?

Tomorrow, I return to the gym.

The more I think about it...

the more I realize that I didn't stand a chance in the competition. My trainers believed that I could get away with posing the way I did, with my right hand stabilized on my right hip which broke the strict rules on how to position yourself. I think we miscalculated, but we also had no choice. I couldn't do it any other way. So the choice was to do it wrong or not do it at all. We took our chances. I think the outcome, in some measure, setting all other factors aside, can confirm this.

I also think that the first time you do anything, there is a learning curve and this activity certainly had its arc. If I had to sum up the day, I'd say it wasn't all that much fun, but it was intense, interesting and memorable. And painful, both physically and emotionally.

And guess what? My muscles look better today. Fuller, with more pop. I'll need to talk to the trainers about that one. I'm afraid that the "dehydration" process strips the muscles of water, too, and I'm wondering if it's even possible to avoid that outcome.

I further binged on food last night with a glass of pinot noir, actual salad dressing instead of vinegar, and dessert - cheesecake! - with my dinner.

Again, as soon as I have access to pictures, I'll post them here. My family members didn't take any because I wanted them to show up and be spectators and not get caught up with photography.

I've received feedback from friends and this is some of what they had to say:

"No matter how you see it, I see the experience as a huge accomplishment. Getting into shape. The diet. The exercise. The discipline. The logistics of the show. And managing the emotions that that went into all of it. Not having gone through it creates a lot of stress by itself. I'm still very proud of the fact that you just went and did it. It shows amazing strength. Most people could not do what you did yesterday let alone take the journey to get there."

"You looked AWESOME today and I give you so much credit for doing this. You worked your ass off (not that it was big to begin with!) and it showed on stage. I am so proud of you to have the courage and balls to stand up there. Now...when are we going for a real dinner and drinks????"

It's over (hint hint)

OK, it went fine, but I was not called out in the first line ups nor the second. My first class, the 40-49 year olds, was the biggest group out of the entire show. Hence, we can assume correctly that it was highly competitive, suggesting that what showed up on stage was some prime beef. My second class, the shorties or those 5'2 1/2" and under was next, and that was a solid group, too. So my time at the competition is over and I'm going to need to ponder and process the experience further, but I'll share some initial thoughts.

The tanning procedure is a complete pain the ass. It is so susceptible to smudging, I couldn't sit the entire morning. That means I was standing from the time I got there at 7:30 until after the show, maybe around 11. I was wearing flip flops until the last hour when I put on my heels, but still. Oh, my aching back. The tan also runs from sweat and I was sweating on stage. I was ultra dark and that was cool, but as I moved around before the show, I lived in fear of anything touching me. Eventually, when I worked my way through the crowd, a newly arrived guy with a wet coat brushed against me and smudged my shoulder.

All of the competitors were extremely nice, and we spent a lot of time together...waiting. Waiting to get touch ups on our tans in the morning. Waiting to get our glazing before the show (an oil that gives skin a shine). Waiting go on stage. The people I mingled with were all from in town, no out-of-staters. I overheard interesting conversations going on around me.

"If you haven't lost your sense of modesty by now, you better let go of it immediately." (outside the tanning station where people were naked and plenty of others could see what was happening)
"This is my 3rd and last show. I'm tired of being hungry. I want to be able to eat a fillet of fish whenever I feel like it."
"My boyfriend was making fun of me for always having chicken in my purse, then a few nights ago he was hungry and asked if I had any chicken with me that he could eat."
"I lost 20 lbs. since June 1 and haven't gotten my period for 4 months."
"I asked my boyfriend to touch me up and he gave me a hard tine. I don't get it. I could go out and ask any guy to do that and they'd jump in a second."
"I stopped eating carbs about 8 weeks ago. You really don't need them. I ate protein and fat, that's all. At first I was really tired, then my body got used to it."
"What are you doing?" inquires a girl of someone who is laying on her back on the floor with her legs straight up against a wall. "It's to help stop swelling in my legs from standing."

Back to me. I had a little trouble standing perfectly still on stage. At one point, a guy off in the wings, right behind where I was positioned, asked me if I was okay. That wasn't exactly the first time in my life I've been asked this question in reference to the tremor on my right side. I said I was fine, but really I was pissed. Not at him but at how hard it was to stand perfectly still. It was draining. Exhausting. Depleting. I wasn't able to smile much because I felt so beat. To remain in a flexed position for an extended period of time is something you can't really prepare for. You just do it cuz you have no choice. But it's highly unpleasant.

Overall, I compared well to many of the girls in my two classes. But obviously, others stood out more. I have no problem with any of that. I felt extremely comfortable in my own (tanned) skin, I was proud to put myself out there with the rest of them and I was just frustrated that I had to put so much physical and mental energy into my right side. I knew I had it coming though.

The struggle is that half of me works just fine and the other half is challenged to keep up. Which side do I listen to? Both actually. But often it's the normal side that forces the shaky side to come along for a ride it might otherwise prefer not to take.

Was the shakiness a factor? Yes. But at a certain level, I don't care. I asked to be judged and I was. Fair enough. I still get to take my ripped body home.

However, I should confess to what I've eaten today, since the early morning meat and potatoes. 1 Snickers bar (the big kind, not a mini one), half eaten shortly before going on stage and the other half after I was done. Pepperoni pizza (thin crust). 1 sugared Dunkin Donut. And 1 cup of tea with 2 tsp. of sugar. I think that should take care of my off-diet needs for a little while.

A special shout out to trainer Michelle who was with me the whole morning. She touched me up further (it's a never ending task) and pumped me up and, at times, propped me up. It was fantastic to have her there with me.

Now I need a nap. And a massage. And I want to see my pictures. As soon as I get some, I'll post them here. Thanks for everyone's interest in this blog and this journey. I still have the competition in Buffalo in 3 weeks, something that I had fleeting feelings of backing out of this morning, but I will go through with it, then call it a short-lived bodybuilding career ended.

3 1/2 hours til showtime

Spent a good part of last night laying in bed with my heart racing.
Tan is a mess needs. Needs major touch up. Mostly expected that.
Woke up at 5 and spent the next hour talking myself down from the ceiling.
Failed.
Turned on playlist. Ah, that's making big difference.
Make up is on. Feeling like part of my threat is in place.
Muscles? Need to wake them up.
Going to eat some breakfast soon. Meat and potatoes.
Just noticed that I forgot my brush and comb. Texted Michelle to bring hers.
Competitor meeting at 8.
Afterward? Fight the demons and pump up, practice posing and hopefully not puke.

The Last Few Hours in My Life - OMFG!!!!!

This activity has crossed over to become the craziest thing I've ever done. Highlights so far:

I left my house to head over to the hotel at 4:30, just as rush hour was beginning. I was jamming in the car to some great music ("Situation" by Yaz, to be specific) when my phone rings. It's my son. Wants to know why the black bag I packed is still on my bed. Oh noooooooo!!!!!! I've gone too far to go back home in rush hour! He agrees to meet me at an exit to deliver the bag. Phew. That cost me about 30 minutes, but I had about that much to spare.

I get to the hotel, check in and arrive in my room. I requested a frig and a microwave for the food I brought with me, but there were no guarantees that they could honor my request. I have a cooler just in case and can eat my food cold or I can use the microwave in a hospitality suite downstairs. I walk in - frig and microwave are here! Yay!

I go downstairs for my tanning appointment and while I'm waiting, I hear two girls talking about their NPC cards which you need to produce at the show registration which is going on down the hall. Oh crap!!!!! I brought a stripped down wallet with only what I really need (license, credit card, etc.) and left the damn card in my regular wallet at home! I call my son again. He finds the card and tells me he'll take a picture of it and send it to me. Ah!! He saves my butt yet again, less than an hour after the first time.

I go in for my tan. 3 naked women are drying. They leave. I'm alone. I strip then get sprayed with a cool mist that has a funky spell but it's not offensive. I can't believe the transformation! I'm dark!! Really, really dark! I knew to bring a little cover up that touches me minimally so that the tan doesn't rub off, even though it's dry. It's quite revealing, though no private parts are visible, but it's at the edge of what can be worn in public. But all I need to do is get back up to my room. However, the whole show registration process is in full swing, as I knew it would be, so I came prepared to take care of everything on my way back. Except that the line is enormous. The last person probably has a 30-45 minute wait. I decide I'll return in an hour. I'm standing in front of the elevator when a guy approaches, someone who's clearly helping out with the process. I ask him about whether a photo of my NPC card will work. He checks me out, becomes very friendly and tells me he'll go find out. He returns and tells me to follow him, he'll get it taken care of. He takes me to the front of the line. I CUT IN FRONT OF ALL THOSE PEOPLE! I FEEL LIKE SOME KIND OF V.I.P. IT'S CRAZY!!! The photo of the card is fine, they check my posing suit (the bottom can't be a thong style), they check my height and they give me my number - 16. And I'm free to go. How nuts is that?

So now I'm in my hotel room using the internet connection that I was told only worked in the lobby.

I will need to wake up super early to arrive at the competition site by 7:30, in time to get a touch-up on the tan (the company moves all its equipment over there from the hotel). As the tan dries, it gets a little streaky and I understand that after sleeping on it, it will smudge a bit, too. I also splashed a few drops of water on myself and that left marks. Yeeesh, this stuff is hard to maintain.

FYI - All the competition photos (every quarter turn in comparison line ups) and the ranking of all competitors will be posted on the website www.musculardevelopment.com probably by Sunday sometime. I'll make note of it here once it's posted.