Bummed out

I'm a little bummed right now because my body fat measured at 15% today. That's not a very competitive number. I thought the number would be lower since I've lost weight but no. So I guess I'd need to weigh something 96 lbs. to pose a threat. That's a really scary number. Fortunately, I'm never going to see it because after these two competitions, I'm not doing this again. My goal in life is not ultra fitness. It's more like, can I put on a bikini and not send anyone fleeing in fright.

Anyway, in a show of support, some friends dropped off a gift today with a card that read on the outside: What are little girls made of? Sugar and spice and everything nice, that's what little girls are made of! And on the inside was handwritten: "Like hell they are - they are made of muscles, sweat and perserverance! We are so proud of you. Kick ass this Saturday!" Wow!! That came as a pleasant surprise!

In a follow-up email correspondence with one of these friends, she wrote: "I'm incredibly proud of you. I really do know how much hard work goes into this. The weight training is the least of it. Your true commitment is inspiring. You won't need it b/c you already won (as far as I'm concerned), but good luck. Breathe and truly enjoy YOUR moment. I'm cheering for you."

I totally appreciate their interest and emotional involvement. But I can't seem to share that notion of accomplishment at this particular moment. I know the show on Saturday is very competitive and right now, I'd bet against me. While I never considered a top spot a possibility, I also don't want to come in last. I've been believing that everything hinges on the body fat percentage because numbers don't lie. But I think I was seduced by the scale and believed somehow that the number 102 - a very low weight to me - would bring the magic, that it would translate into a lower percentage like maybe 12 or 13.

So I need to somehow put myself in turnaround and find a way to feel positive. I'm not sure how I'm going to do that, but I've got about 24 hours to figure it out.

'Nother thing. I wasn't going to mention it, but what the hell. I got my period today, about 4 days early. Oh joy. A friend told me to make sure that the tampon string isn't hanging out on stage Saturday. That much I think I can do.