The End

Footage from Buffalo Competition

Here is a very brief video that captures my posing during the evening portion of the event in Buffalo. The posing here was not for judging purposes but for audience entertainment. It clearly reveals the challenges I faced with my right arm and, to a lesser degree, my right leg. But what I hope the video also demonstrates is that I was willing to put myself out there, despite my shortcomings. I guess I can say that I'm proud of it and embarrassed by it, both at the same time. But it represents my best effort. And it took all the courage I had.

Just copy and paste the entire link, then click on my name and the video should pop up.

http://www.naturalmuscle.com/html/2010_olympus_results.html

Conclusions

"It was now or never."

That's what the 47-year-old dentist from Erie said during breakfast yesterday as one explanation for why he decided to compete. But he did note that it's a hard question to answer and he even posed the same question to marathon runners and noticed how they, too, often have a hard time coming up with a coherent response.

Anyway, I don't want to belabor this point since I've given it plenty of treatment here, but I think that the now-or-never element is critical. I turn 42 in 2 days and somewhere in the murkiness of my mind was the thought that this year was probably a good time to take on this bodybuilding project. It wasn't going to get any easier at some other point in the future.

However, I've always been conflicted about this whole thing because of my shaky right arm. Working out in the gym with trainers is one thing, but putting it all up on the stage is quite another. I'm asking to be held to a standard that I really can't meet, in terms of presentation of myself. But I guess from the start, I decided to set that aside. The real goal was to improve my body and the only way that was going to happen was with the "threat of the stage," as I liked to refer to it, looming in the distance. Without that threat, maybe I'd eat the cookie or skip the gym on some days.

I wanted the body. And that's really where it all starts and stops. Nothing was going to stand in my way. I surrounded myself with trainers who were my enablers. I found great satisfaction in my progress and that became self-reinforcing. I also purged any negativity ("bodybuilding is stupid," according to my older son).

Why did I want the body? Hmmmm. That's a hard one. I suppose I have fundamental insecurities related to my shaky arm and I'm always searching for ways to negate it or cancel it out with other qualities - some cool shoes, jewelry, make-up, nail polish - anything to make it not the focal point. Having a great body screams that everything is okay. I may be a hemiplegic but hey, whatever. I steamroll right over that little inconvenience.

Any evidence that proves I'm actually succeeding at overcoming it is important to me. That won't ever go away.

What will I do next? is a question many people have been asking me. Bullfighting is what my husband jokes about. With bodybuilding, I've dabbled in a semi-extreme activity, but I'm not a thrill seeking, adrenaline addicted junky. I don't need to take it a step higher and further. I will stick to 4 times in the gym per week and I'll continue to eat well, according to my new understanding of what constitutes well. Other than that, I'll go back to writing my book now that I have some new material and a fresh perspective. My book is a memoir dealing with the stroke I suffered at age 10 and the lifelong pursuit of dealing with its consequences.

I've enjoyed sharing the details of my experiences here on this website (because I'm a writer and I like to write!) and I appreciate the readers who have followed it. The software supporting this blog allows me to track the number of readers and where they are from. The audience includes folks from Poland, U.K., Belgium, France, Italy, Israel, Spain, South Africa, Brazil and Japan. I have no idea how each of you found this site, but I'm glad you did.

My only advice: take some chances and show some strength.

Informal photos from Buffalo

In the group shot, the girl to the right of me in the pink posing suit won first place. You be the judge.

The Results

I earned a 3rd place out of 6 competitors in the category called age 35 and up, short (under 5' 2", even though I'm 5' 2 1/4"). I was very happy about that, but I need to say that the winner had cellulite and major jiggle going on in her rear. Super sweet girl, but ya know, the winner???? Ok, whatever.

One of the other categories I competed in involved a total of 3 competitors for which I took 3rd place and 5 competitors for which I took 5th place. All places were rewarded with trophies, so I have 3. The winners, however, were not what you would expect. The posing in many cases was awful and yet.... How do we explain this? Well, my answer is that things seemed a little incestuous here in Buffalo. By that I mean many of the competitors belonged to one particular gym and those girls won the top spots over and over. The judges were from the Buffalo or Rochester area and seemed to know the competitors. When one judge needed some tylenol, she turned to one of the competitors she knew and the girl gladly handed some over, about an hour before the show started. Hmmmm. The promoter of the whole show mentioned that some judges didn't judge certain categories due to "conflicts of interest." Reallllly.

I'm not complaining because I had a good time, the show ran smoothly, the facilities were wonderful and all of the girls were really friendly. The guys were super nice, too. I went out to breakfast this morning with a 47-year-old dentist from Erie who was accompanied by his trainer. I had chatted with the dentist a day earlier because he was staying in the same hotel as me. He also competed at the Lakewood show (and didn't do well even though he looks great). I enjoyed my time with them because they were warm, supportive and engaging.

I also became friends with an exceptionally friendly and chatty woman from Buffalo. And a very sweet guy who plays "semi professional football" (not sure what that is) and often comes to Cleveland to play games was a pleasant source of conversation before the evening show. He admitted to cheating on his diet often and it certainly didn't show, but his honesty was amusing.

I felt like some kind of exotic import being from Cleveland while all of the other competitors were from Buffalo and maybe a few from Rochester. I seemed to get a lot of audience support with loud cheers during the evening portion when competitor came out individually and did a series of poses, striking each after trotting to the center of the stage, then the side, then back to the center, then off. I did a bicep flex for one pose and the audience seemed to like that.

I think my posing was great, exactly as I practiced it which incorporated vast improvements over last time. Many of the other girls struck extremely awkward and ugly positions. Sorry, but that's how it was. I felt that my look was very competitive, with the right amount of leanness and plenty of definition. Since this was a 100% drug free show, no one had crazy big muscles and that was refreshing and felt very comfortably fair.

My tan came out vastly better this time, too. It made my past experience feel like an abomination. But what did I know then? That being said, I can't wait to jump in the shower and wash it off.

The balance of the day was spent shopping and dining in a cute section of town with neat stores (all boutiques, no chain stores! just the way I like it). At lunch I had a glass of merlot and with dinner, I had a martini. I also had a cream sauce on my 5 cheese ravioli dish at dinner, though no dessert because I was stuffed. I am going to have lots of fun restoring a few pounds because right now, I fully admit that I'm too thin. My face looks drawn, but that's partly from the stress leading up to this show and lack of sleep.

Next: I need to further process that last 6 months and I intend to draw a few conclusions which I'll post here, for anyone who wonders what the past 6 months have meant and where I go from here.

Coming shortly, some pictures from Buffalo.
Thanks for your interest.
Be strong!

1 Day Left

I weighed 100.8 lbs. this morning.
I've practiced my posing.
I've got my food all weighed, measured and packed.
I'm ready for Buffalo, my final competition.

All I need to do is keep my head in the game and nail my posing. The show starts at 1 p.m. on Saturday with what's known as the pre-judging which actually is the real judging except that the winners are not announced. That happens during the evening show which starts at 6 p.m. on Saturday. So it's a full day of tension, basically.

This time, I plan to eat more intelligently leading up to the competition. I did a bad job of that last time and I don't want to repeat those mistakes. I even plan to eat an entire big Snickers bar 10 minutes before I go on stage for a super energy boost. Last time, I ate a few bites about 30-45 minutes before going on stage. I missed the mark with both that quantity and timing.

So I'm secure with my plans and I'm going after this show as a true competitor, not a completely inexperienced, fogged-out beginner. I hope I can deliver on my intentions and report some good news here later Saturday night.

Waxing, Clenching, Blabbing, Planning

I had my first ever leg waxing appointment today. First times can be replete with anxiety and stress and this experience definitely qualified in those departments. I was not looking forward to today's procedure and I was even a few minutes late, something I work hard to avoid. I pride myself on being punctual. Pride went out the door as soon as I entered the room. The Russian lady who attended to me assured me that I was in good hands, that I'd be fine. I wanted to believe her since she's an informed source. I had visions of crying. Maybe I'd need her to stop so we could take a 5 minute break. I'd be sweating profusely. I had no serious plans for afterward.

On a scale on 1-10 with 10 being the most painful, I'd say, at worst, it was a 7. At best, it was a 5. The pain was uneven, with some parts of my leg hurting worse than others. I clenched my teeth and said OW! about a dozen times. But the aesthetician was very friendly and happy to talk the whole time. That helped. Mostly, we talked about her diet and interest in losing some weight, maybe 20 lbs. to start, then another 20 lbs. This is one of my favorite topics right now, so I advised her on what she should eat. That took a good 20 minutes of the 45-minute appointment. The rest of the time we talked about her kids and waxing itself. She told me that it would hurt less the next time and that I will love the result.

Well, right now my legs have red marks where the hair was ripped out, so they don't look very attractive, but that will go away in another day. I think I'm happy with the outcome and I certainly like the idea of not having to shave, so I'm planning on going back for a second time when I'm ready. And after I see how that goes, maybe there will be a third time. Most of all, I'm glad this is over with.

Dropping a Bomb

People have been asking how the first competition went (obviously uninformed, non-readers of this blog) and I've answered, without hesitating, "I bombed!" Look, if you're going to do poorly, coming in last place is not a bad way to do it. It ramps up the drama. It elevates the humor. Furthermore, how often does that happen, bombing? Since I don't take myself or any of this too seriously (this is not life and death stuff!), I enjoy seeing their reactions. They laugh, they understand the levity and they don't need to follow up with any positive spin. I'm clearly okay with bombing...as long as I don't make a habit of it.

Anyway, a persistent source of low level frustration has surrounded my gym shoes. I've been loyal to the brand Ryka for the past few years because I like the styles but the latest pair I bought has been driving me nuts. They're the high top variety (hark, I hear the '80s calling) which I prefer but they fit like ski boots. They're a total pain in the butt to put on and take off which is, of course, what one does with shoes a few times per day. So I was at a grocery store today and saw a lady wearing the absolute coolest shoes ever (pictured here). I love color - the more, the better. She told me where she bought them and I buzzed right over there and claimed them. The Nike Air Max 24/7. Welcome!